The Cadgy Cogitations of Plafter Christmas

Streemin' my Consciousness port too!

2012-02-01T15:34:00.001-07:00

Ganzfeld procedure and all! Oh, and bolds ports is of important! Here we goo...

listing walks with a smile through the everglades of being while whistling to the tune that the trees recite on the merry-go-rounds of fates blood brother in the eavestroughs of autumns past. But smoking in the girl’s room didn’t get you far when the last of your wishes were postponed by the children you never wanted in a sea of tranquil gay asphalt smothered by the wicked witch of the east who beckoned you to come closer come closer daddeo until you are on the other side

the other side of mt. Olympus where sixteen midget farmers smell like gasoline and perch themselves on the everglades and walk seventeen miles to the nearest gas station with a gerry can full of snails that you caught on the long walk to refuel your majestic iron beast of labour who only wanted to destroy you that’s all anoe ever really wanted and now there time had to come to introduce your face to the smoother side of the shovel yes oh so smooth and that’s what you remember of the shovel as you writhe in pain on the asphalt after that horrid introduction

perhaps it was all for the best now that you don’t have that iron responsibility bogging you down anymore you can finally spend some time with the children that you never wanted and you can try to determine why it is that you still exist on this astral plane of immediacy and doctrines fitting for a quiet loving family who reads the Bible by the campfire singing come by here my lord come by here there is omotnigh nothing left but embers attacking embers in a pit of empty shame but they continue to sing knowing no other way of expressing their angst

this was long before the end times began. By then we were all more worried about the bomb and how it would effect our relationship with Stanley Kubrick as he aged badly and whispered to Steven Spielberg from his death bed “I love you Stevey and all your silly little movies, but don’t you think it’s time to be taken more seriously again like you were in that holocaust movie that prevented me from releasing a film with similar subject matter because let’s face it we’re all Hollywood whores in the end and all I really cared about was my money my big fat vat of golden money to jump into like scrooge mcduck on easter”

but then if the wicked witch really wanted to send us her easter blessings, she could have just skyped us until we were blut in the face from her ugliness but then the cigarettes in the girl’s room would have meant so much less so very much less and nothing good comes from bad in this holly dandering world but when the knives attack othee boardwalk don’t come crying to the pigeons they had it coming all along those little poop-mobiles yes even they have souls according to Dr. Howey Mandel and his attempts at having religious experience but when it all comes down to it who is the real santa claus because my money is on Tim Allen and Regis Philbin having a love child and naming it Sarah Palin

so if you ever run into a challenge with Chip’s Challenge just look it up online because all the world’s answers are found there these day even if you disconnect your Wiki bone from your eye bone it still comes out looking like fairy dust in the wind (but only ever for a moment and then the moment’s gone)

because because really really yes indeed it’s all so true even the facts that aren’t come down to truth unless you are a Moral Skeptic funny thing about them they don’t seem to use their own beliefs they seem to wallow in attention getting and don’t amount to a hill of beans they just all get reduced to the common denominator and want you to think that every moral principle does have truth value but that value is equal to falsities including punching kittens as my philosopher once told me as the girl’s smoked their cigarettes in the girl’s locker room until the teacher busted in and said what’s that noise oh mom your just jealous of the beastie boys

Sarah Palin sucks dolphin eucalyptus leaves until her skin colour turns a green shade of melanin and regifts her copy of Seinfeld Season Four because she never was a fan never could understand the humour in daily life but the pens the pens they haunt me every night wanting to be used wishing I had a way of getting my very soul onto near-two-dimensional-tree hockings but coffee is where it’s really at and totem poles would not exist if it wasn’t for medicinal marijuana gosh how I would be if I only had a brain and a newer PVR so I could record and pause live situations around me and rewind time to suit my needs and never worry about how my language effects others and yes he knows that midget is no longer PC but for some reason these are the words that come to me as I must type whatever pops up and now I’m once again getting WAY TO fucking self-referential and that’s not the point why redo it the exercise if it’s always going to come back to memememe start again dammit and do it right this time or you won’t see the loveliness that is the content of your own brain that you didn’t know was there

But what is with this importance we place on our brains instead of our minds? Some say that our brains and minds are only connected in Western thought so does that mean that when I go to India or China or wherever I go in the East my mind and brain separate? That’s an interesting thought can we all reintroduce ourselves to slavery if we only try because it’s about time that the words began to reflect the entrapments felt by all the introspective anatomic anomalies living in captivity the world over wishing they also had pens haunting them so that their lives would grow meaning through poetry oh yes that’s what would happen the pen will save you because words are powerful monkey indeed

So if there were ever a question of words living withing the trappings of government ohousing that left you blindsided and deranged with fears of unknown travelers entering your pantalones then you could join the infantry where do armies live? Up your sleevies with a rubber hose and a donkey fit for a king of French fries living in the basement of Burger King longing for a grapefruit and a stick of chewing gum so he could get all MacGiver up in the hizzo and rescue his princess who happened to be in another castle at the time oh if only there were ever a question in all of these words that stood the test of time and reached out to those live within the confines of jurisdictional prudence

See this is what I’m not talking about right now: kittens are slaves to their doggy overlords and worship at the feet of mousey tongues Mao tse Tung on a dunghill spotted the rabbit and ran over the wishing well mao tse tung was Ebert and Roeper’s brain child and ran through the streets with his thumbs raised high in the air to see if the wind direction would change at the request of a dictator shit head that didn’t understand the trapping and drooping technique of the snowmobile children in their rectally disfigured long distance running shoes boo birds come out when the wild geese fly goon chibs and liver squirts out of the blood hiver that would be winder in friench or something but when you stink of the children they reek and reek havoc on the eldery who never saw it coming because cataracts is the real silent killer in those days and it only ever affect the unsuspecting whose eyes had already risen up in revolt against the dictatorial powers of Evert and Rover the two blind mice dogs from Canada that noone ever knew because they never defected to the states until it was too late because movies were no longer being offered as penance for the sins of the underworthy smelly lot of briget jones will smith lovely weather out there today in the clouds and surfers

It’s the really thing when you think of cloud and hammer going together one by one singing songs of redemption and freedom until Bobby boy felll on his own sword and admitted defeat at the hands of the pen army who insisted they get yet one more mention in our story

So now if you look to the west you will see a kite being flown by bir bigrd and rumplestilskin’s cousin mr. ed they fly for freedom and taco ships that only they can see and fly around the would in their plastic kitemobiles within the confines of unreality which is just to the right of insanity and on the other side of Mount consciousness.

Dig a little farther and you will notice that the skills you incorporate will only destroy you if you don’t use them to their full knowledge of sparrows and kites and little green men who left their asses on the tanning bed for too long only to be shamed into becoming aliens and flying to St. Paul’s landing pad only to be disappointed by the service at their Boston Pizza yeah it’s not quite as good as in the city but you still get the nachos all the same but sometimes the nachos aren’t good enough sometimes you have to step it up and get inside your own disadvantaged bicycle and ride off into the sunset seeking yet again another little old lasyy who tells you whow to live a life of pure contemplative bliss with monks who only want to steal your secrets of how to get a real old fashioned gal where she wants to be if only they understood the madness within

Hyeah kayhty was okay but she didn’t know how to please a lady or a man without breaking their limbs into little pieces it was like animal living where their coitus only cuases damage to everything involved and mothers love the taste of afterbirth and that’s why they lick their newborns clean it’s not because they are neat freaks they just really love the taste it puts them into a catnip trance but it’s nothing to do with me don’t shoot the messenger sorry if that image is no longer sacred but somebody had to break the bad news over your head like a ten dollar ikea lamp that only works if you think happy thoughts and the base never stays connected because Captain Hook doesn’t think that hamsters have any bearing on the situation but we all know he’s dead wrong and we have his right hand to prove it

So when the wild wind blows through your fat fat hair remember that it’s only a sign of the apocalypse yes this is the only way to break it to you through versification and denial of custordy rights through which your true intentions always lean slightly to the left because you weren’t raised in the church and now everything is socialist dream boats and communist manufesticans communist manioctoberfesto that is correct I went there now deal with it hippies

So if you so to the soso it’s a no no until the dough rises through the Kaisers and pork egg roll and cheese so this is how the world will end not with a bang and also NOT with a whisper but with an episode of this is your life and the light at the end of the tunnel is just the McDonald’s golden arches but you haven’t really been that mislead since it’s still going to kill you anyways where was I oh yeah the bit about the cords and misshapen apocaltyptic end time struggle starring Leo DiCrappio and Arnold the Dictator yes yes oh for the love of the English languase it’s a daydream colliding with another spaceship bound for St. Paul nad this time they mean business but even if they enslaved St. Paul noone would notice until Saturnalia or the Rodeo or if someone invited their long lost relative to bingo that Sunday and they reported back to the KGB with the bad news baeard switness to the salmonella food stamp truck of holy water and hot god water and fishing Canada until the labourious journey is complete and the usb protocol ohas been met with avengeance auto correcting the inside of my kidneys until they explode in a wet mass of excrement and taquitos for the holiday season but if there was a way to imploy the unemployable the dictators would having nothing to say to that in their hallowed towers of mistaken identity and fishing collisions toward Saturn in their cheap jockies and liverwurst sandwiches by the sea shore

Still this mystery can only be defined by its denominator and certainly only emplys the bare minimum of census workds e workers living in their pyjamas in defiance of anyhitng that doesn’t resemble depression sticks with you until you snap out of your dreams of curtains blowing in the wind into the side of your body making you feel like you’re being held by your man but you’re not it’s all just a sad façade and nobody is coming for you they just aren’t you are gointg to die alone and never taste the next big thing that Arby’s comes out with it’s just not going to happen but if you snap out of it and get outside more often maybe the may hens will cluck with gladness at the fishing you once knew before the end seemed so untastefully near yes this is how the world will end with all of the sadness all of the grief falling together in a snowball tidal wave’s uncle who never took them to softball practice until the season was over and then it was just sad playing ball in the snow unless the fight was on and the pigeons’ souls were given flight and writability until the disaster movie was ove r and the theatre let out and noone was there to pick you up you sad prick you

Yhsis is the tantamount glory of Saturday that when you loved god and gave it your all it meant that slight of hand tricks only work on the ill-informed and nothing impresses an audience these days if they’re smart, regardless of their political or religious leanings oh bert your prude if there wree a way eoto exercise your demons don’t you thinik I would have brought them to your ski hill by now? It’s all a sham and you know it okay!?

This is the tantamount glory it’s the building that builds it and they will come to play in your corn field even if they’re dead especially when dead people come back to life to try their hand at fame and fortune and gian gain precedence over their lovely little soccer shaped face candy and then and then and then the lifters squeal like bike tires on sandpaper until the Oprah cglory gaze lifts the embers to your cheecks and screams for mercy because she has already unleashed the bees to her audience

But this is all besides the point and then only if they can really rescue you from stinking up the room do you really want to know what I think deep down inside then you had better dial 911 iff you really want the truth because scrips and scrip lightning will only grease fire you into submitting to your unclue you who is a terrorist these days only the tling and and the tliving andnow the not what you wish you knew for good ness sakes what does ness mean anyways nesting pylons freak out until the happening is over and you wake up in a tie dyed shirt with no pants and wonder how you got to Stockholm in the first place

It’s unfortunate that these daydreams whistle in your cheek bones and give not a thouhtt ot the guitars of yesteryear who grabbed a beer from a deer in headlights bright in the light and fog of drags and clogs for dragon flogging practice until the light of day wokaens you ups to what you already knew all along: This is the Neverland of your discontent and you will only ever rest again if you paint yourself into a neglije femur and wash your warts into the storm drains platypusian vitae.

This is where the ball ends the stories and stories end the ball. We are licking with our tongues more often then most people realize because this is for at home only in the private sphere where the wives stay in the kitchen and the husbands cheat on them in any way they can get their filthy hands into a waitresses pants because this is the way of the workd as unfortunate as it may seem but only you can prevent forest fires and only then will the angels of the house revolt and start gasp wearing pants again but it’s so true and the back wrad living life streams gently thorough the dull trees and walks a million acres to the dill weed dildo factory because that’s wehre they make the primo valentine machine, boyo. It’s wher you gots to go for that sticky weed really back woods off style grab a lunch and back off into netherwoods and grasp the clue of Scientology synonymous with South Park and Tom Cruise and little else and soon it will be this joke that no one will believe actually happened because it all hjust souds too spacey and dreamey and weirdo gallopogos island treats streams in the sunrise melting on a Dali clock rock picked by scorpions in a dead cow’s skull like that painter always intended because death is life and life is death and therefore death is living and all that silly junk we scream for life’s pickles to deserve better euthenasian extremeties and paint pictures of people living better lives than you ever knew and still the extemes steam up the bile and phlegm and disgustipating thoughts of this nature until the screaming dies down and invites in a host of demons to suck at the teat of everlasting gobstoppers who embraced capitalism with open arms never realizing that it was a sociopathic entity ready to feast on the dreams of Martin Luther’s prodigy and then the darkness…

And then the darkness was replaced by light on the third day and the lord saw that it was good. The world had become too dismal at the hands of the intrepid author and needed to be warmed up by the sun which always cured the devils of their unbloodliness. So now it’s all unicorns and daisies and rainbows and cupcakes everything is over saturated by a pink huey mess and huey lewis and the news is on the radio covering a song by King David it’s now Friday every day and the unicorns are actually really good at Karaoke and every is overly entertained and sadness is not outlawed but it is taken for granted that you will never be sad again no no no. I don’t think this is going to work out because if we learned anything from the saducees it’s that forgiveness is not reciprocal and neither is lovey duvey chewy wooey pukeyness

And then the lightness was destroyed once again by the author who could not fathom a pretty in pinky universe of bubblegum rainforests and daffodil dreamy lima beany withering cults. But it’s not all bad because the garbage man is always going to come to take away the sins of the world maybe that’s true maybe the garbage men and women of our world our the true Christ figures maybe they are the martyrs and saviours we always took for granted and if we have learned anyhint in the last seven months of logistics it’s that we never even swam the greatest until the smug bastards that stole our car were apprehended and beaten with billy clubs until they divulged the location of their hideout where they stashed their hidden agendas and covered it with gasoline and the worshipping hyenas rejoiced at the sight of a willed feline living in the desert of broken highways and byways and by the way we are all living in a sideways my way

It’s the cleverest of tales when the bales of rails fall on the midnight focusing crales to the crayon biggest steam train to the biggest waste of line ataion big falling big stalling dream boat annie lifts her skirt and gives the walters something to gossip about but it wasn’t her fault it came from an upbringing on the road

Giving tin to a farmer amounts to nothing because we will just grind it all down to salt in the end and pour it on our vegetables at midnight

Dreaming is the only way to access the parliaments and vieable endings we all knew were there if if wasn’t for that bully in regional we all would have gone to heaven on a million doolllar genius grant giving way the great est invention of alour lifetimes dreams and then they woke up from their days adnd pranced around in lily field destined for a great dream gliding in a steam ship dead or alive lighting souls aflame with bgiel wenl eig

Vivacious vivid villiains lift their chillins and send the pills to another doctor who didn’t know where to go anyways but tell the truth once and again and I will persist in explaining the ways the endings don’t match the beggars and thieves reel it in boy it’s ripe for the taking don’t amast in the blasts of cold arctic air are our flavours determined by ice cream catchers or stone mason lectures

This is the winter wer were wating watching listing the blisters to the government glivte slow down eito beisasts beasts for the blki post donon

Noggin tobaggon coincidence in autumn this is where the guilty pretend they only went to jauil to snort the Mexican jumping powder in their esophagus ditty

It’s easter and you are pretty

When you don’t think of everyone than nothing comes to mind

Guys are wishing they could all go to badminton tournaments all day every day but gals know it’s best to survive without the twenty four seven drop in centres

Your bingo card is full it’s time to get a new one because the game won’t continue without you you are the honoured guest the bride in waiting the blissful steam ship that went off course until it crashed into a groomy iceburg

Humour is one thing but breakthroughs get you through the hard times and crises you didn’t know were there until your fingers forced you to see the difference between a duck

If you only knew where you left your car keys you could leave me in peace again

I think it’s best to let the turkey run around the pen if it’s on a leash because it might spread its germs through the neighbourhood and knock up the neighbours cattle

Friday every day check it out losers it’s time party like you pretend to have somewhere to go

Going somewhere, girlfriend? I think you ought to reconsider the bong this week because you are starting to play it like a digeridoo

When life’s greatest troubles hands you lemonades, make it squirt you in the eyes until you bleed out on the floor. It’s okay, blood letting is a very standard procedure now here’s a health bill for five thousand dollars

It’s time to change your stereo to a mute monkeyshined witness from last year’s valentine’s day pukathon where all the little parents line up to teach their children how to be binge hounds and lose their wind pipe lining and break eggs on fabio’s face it’s nice to dream isn’t it little red hen?

But then the last week ewe met with a vengeance a spider from little italy that lasted a room temperature lining of coal spewing vile fluid into your membrane because it wasn’t dark enough yet oh no we can get more vile and defamed and deliberately insanely victum slaughter passed out with vigil and squire sock bottoms with jerry can roosters and rose coloured sweat shirts that live in a firmly split little belly of broken glass sword bilky trouser smike award season broke broke broke build blender blend me now!

Built this city on tomahawk black smoke dinosaurs

Bill the barty wore jeans shorts to join the army corp until he realized he was still at church summer camp and had sleepwalked through the courtyard in his under wear where the children laughed as he ran away and joined a Russian league of forest dweelers just north of Cold Lake but wait it gets worse

This is the last time you spoke with a moment’s notice into a microphone that stopped listening to your troubles and replaced them with its own.

While you were sleeping we removed your glottals so that you can stop pretending to trail off and learn to love the bomb

Weekends don’t involve Bernie when he’s not dead yet. Think about it.

This is the last time you focus on one object for too long because you become it and learn what sympathy will get you and you just end up turning into a computer screen and surfing the web until the cows come home

Blisters sucks and earthquakes fall onto the land wars in Italy but the mafia does exist I read it on a fortune cookie which was strange because I wasn’t even eating Chinese food at the time

Wind blows and rabbits snore but bagels don’t breathe anymore

Biceps crumble under the strong words of my dog Skip

Vivian, I wish you would learn to leave the lights on when you go to bed so I can feel my way to paradise

When the wind blows the cradle will probably not even move because the windows shut and you don’t even have a child why do you own a cradle you nihilistic whorebag?

Distant objects break the silence of sleeping sheep on a cold winter’s sheet rock gang attack and listless empty dockers

Dog rains until the green green greasy grass grows grumpy gritty grailly udders andy wore a cap until the unit nutted the sack

Andy dandy sandy wendy penned a lucky penny with a doctor in her twenties

Beg for mercy Dusty Springfield!

After a while it’s supposed to almost be unnoticeable though. why red? What effect is this supposed to have I certainly don’t feeled when I can’t even blink properly. I feel like red eye removal memory sink aouto eros malasia donkey lover I think about riches and glory and tomato soup mix red everything is red I have nothing to say keep typing type to typey doo day dee

What if I write about nothing what does it say about nothing. Nothing becomes something and ceases to be tomato soup mix. This is the state of our union onion doing that thing maybe that will spur on some inspiration perspiration elation word hello out there in radio land how are you today? Ton tonight’s show we will be eating roast beef and watching pantyhose dry on a clothes line isn’t that exciting I wonder if this is what we all hear but don’t know it and I’m just hearing it louder than you right now loudy doodah day I think a somnambulist since she felt ill during the exercise yesterday wait that was two days ago shutting off brain focus on meat cleaver mind melt jim beam polly wacker what the polly whant a meat lcleaver dayoo doo dah day walla walla bing bong fricassee my brain I hope the words are still yping is a funny word The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is an awesome movie moons over my hammy I make them at home and it tastes just like Dennys Denny hyum tym tym wackawackado ddah day oh I wonder what I still ca n recite?

I sure hope that when the monkey spouts the grease on the old oak tree the wise old owl doesn’t hcome looking for me hello again out there isn radio land. Today we will be reviewing the last few synapses in my brain well for starters, I would like to arddress I have no idea what’s going down around the gback woid ghere di my heart stop around the back baconsmell thatmushroom cloud it’s Hiroshima at midnight around the old oak tree watch out for the can you imagine if my house burnt down because oI couldn’t see or hear anthing? This lamp I’m using for the red light is bvery old Lightning Bolt. CGood band go tlisten to them right now! I command thee aI should check quickly I want to get to the big old chair with the beans growing in it in a bag chair bean chair bean abag cha labigamster now for a list of words that really ought to exitst:

Labigamster

Soda fig

Measleicious

Polly wacher

Midsnark

Bellyflank

Wonkar

Wankloud

Crawdad

NHello again out ther in white noise radio land now for a shout to my peeps in three ninety four how art thou? Are you with me on this incredible journey? It’s time for a haiku:

There once was a name

Flew through the ocean door way

Flog a hamster plow

Where did we get off the bux before the exit are you recieiving the painted signal around the bend back ache bad chair slammers are pogs and ringos are dogs and if that didn’t hmake sense than Lewis Carroll is a fake! Actually it’s true look it up. He meant Alice in Wonderland as a protest against surrrrealism and even more so he was a mathematician who was against imaginary numbers so his surreal literature I mean absurd literature was meant to make fun of imaginary numbers it’s all ture He was a hard core Christian too and never did any drugs can you believe it? And every one tells you he was on opium when he wrote his stuff but nope nope nope I can read the red between the lighnint shades of York New rake the pew whello out there is radio brand time for these commercial messages:

where is my mind right now? Aon a cliff in Dover fetch the rover four leaf elemental collapsing cloverdiverinto the white noise until you brain bleeds mucus.

Do you go to a happy place or a plane of pure emotional swagger? What is it like to interpret the world through the movement of your body? I am the worst dancer ever at least I assume. I’ve never tried so I can’t really say. Iyahovahdoo another word that hould exist wow wow wow I need to supervise the clamchoder bacoloosneck polly to the front of my visterblister goo All the way home we we we

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming introducing milk! It’s made of mammory fluid, you know! Hooray! Milk milk milk the cow bow wow collapse the jaw into the fecal saw of grey matter pink white brown noise it’s all great hooray for therapy with ping pong I am going slowly crazy six five four three two one swithceroo dunkeroos do they still exist what idid I miss is the elephant show still battling the umbrella tree You can only wonder what can happen under under the umbrella treeeeeeee! Brown eyed galserase your pals and gins into your sdessert sfor free until the waves crash onto the dead metaphors o f yesteryear man was tyesterday trippy with the lecture on Riel and then poetry and oh my may if you havne’t read onbout it meh you didn’t miss much from what I wrote I have trouble discussing poetry readings boy oh boy am I worried about someone right now they seem to be in a dark place INXSINXS roory glad you U2 get yourself together you’ve got something to blah and you can’t get out of it don’t say that later will be bacon on a soundae morning hourienr woeir fowien Jesidl I can’t emeber alphabets tomacco was simpsons funny bizzangoo harharhar! Well now back to therapy land I don’t really know where the spoon went mbut man is Ween a geareat band these things come to me in altered states what the ruckaroo like a dunkaroo but instead of a kangaroo it’s a fuckeroooooooo swear word s bad words stupid people naïve lesser beings of stupidland think they’re saved by staying away from bad words boohoo if only you knew who the true glue pooed on your woowoo when you teach the class WOOOOOO I am entering your subconscious@!@!@@@ OOHOOOHOOWOWOWOW a and now back yo the Rcaoons

Raccoons will be right back I think I will trim the fat who goes around trimming fat and now for something completely different wI will now recap our program so far I said stuff and then other things happened and I’m starting to hate my currect state I’m not tripping out to the extent that I thought I would but I’m definitely not yping what I would have otherwise woienr weri jekn idlsne liejtomorrow days are coming to the hamster wheel hamster feel elexctric feel mgmt rhoeirn fjitl three to one zone out go to another mpplane of being where the electriodes don’t cry for help through loose poetry and the biceps cdreins cre rdeange around the rosey pocket full of gumdrops rainbow valley yhypocrites elevated level of dipstick rap songs ha sicker than your average poppa bust cabbage off instinct don’t think shit stick picnk gators my Detroit playters ditims for my hooligans in brrooklyn that’s right if you heard’s right biggey mbe there all night never lose cruise dois pay for foos in the moose living feedom back stab the peon s whow this is

Starting

To cuksuck truck buck for luck the crunk junk monkey with the unsung donkey is this fun or another vegetation starting to drool I think I should stop soon lest I go literally andaunalterably insande I have cno gandgoe imagine hard to tell if my eyeds are open some of this safety first nimrod mighty hunter he was in the bible look it up there is also a guy named peeleg in the bible. I shit you not good ol bible yes that’s the book for meeeeeee if you confess with your mouth that jesus is lord and belive in your heart that godd raised him from the daed you will be sayved for it is with your mouth the youdwait I got those mixed up boy oh boy I Forgive me bacon they know not what they do. I wonder what the gospels would I wonder what the new testament would look like itf you replaced jesus with bacon did I mention that lareadyyowi eejr where keys are? Found em again keeping woozy hfeling ooh I just saw an ear and A ghost from Mario appear in from nt of me that what I’ve been missing wohowa I’m seeing shit now It said mit might take a while Fire everywhere in my eye sockets making crazy images I forgot the white noise was there for quite a while now lets see if I rhear any dead relatives har har…

Snap out of it depression life’s gooottt! Hooray for life and auto writing and unicorns and gumdrop playgrounds with their slides wmade of sthe tears of sweat shop workers hooray I like the word hooray! And if you can’t understand the busniss I spleak of ject the cherry treats trees where is my clover down back bldouner grave whoarse whip the emo chicks into csubmission where is background clover better be one baest whow I am typing while daydreaming and I don’t even know what I just typed maybe that’s what talking about and I don’t know maybe maybe

and now it’s time for a poem… I call this poem the auto matic writing poem wahaha you’re already reading it and you didn’t even know it sucka!

And now a shout out to Bacon… mmmmmm bacon

And now a shout out to smokey the bear who will prevent forest fires in your community certainly not me because I am not there right now I am over here instead where did the pencil fall off the manhole cover of empty glad wrappers and rap smugglers of bibles into other countrys and martyers who died died adeid bfor Jesus bacon Christ and if you open up a hymnal and add the words “in the bathtub” at the end of every hymn it’s damn funny stuff hymn hymn him him him says the queen of france in my underpants because she likes to wear them indside out to make her presidential addresses in my underpants oh yeah how about them maple leafs falling to the ground Kessel wow what a surphrisietr hocky’s no interesting starting to hear knocking on my white noise chamber or is someone at the door impossible to tell drprivation yaeah booty ooty shake a wake a make a ryme time slime the chime grime blind in the mind of a rind of cheese please wank the the mees areensyolaboocaneegroflagno

Waving to the devil he flees from your stanksy handereeno is this getting unbearable to read I don’t do dod dod do care I do care why do I care so much blubber blubber blue true do ba day can’t keep it in can’t keep it isn no I cgotta let it out.. Pee wee herman was not german but many though t he was hitelr gregardless man these ping pong pong pong ding down ring rwrong and where was I on that though t ab absence makes the heart grow fungus

Where did this all go wrong I am an animal from mars preaching to a choir of dead dosgdogs and what about the piano made you funny to play it over a campfire stove and blanket rayband I know from caligary Calgary calvary caligari no coincidence there just like Obama and Osama there is a hidden link because they are minimal phonetic pairs or some shit red everywhere rainbow bright was a slut on mushrooms for wtwenty buck she painted herself like a whore and baptized chickens on labour day if only this was a speech I could run you through with my double egded sword but they’re just words and not weapons they hurty noone boo hoo children and now a shouldtlwine and now

And now for something completelt trhe same ramalama ding dong day where is my mind where is my mind wowowowow and now a shout out to Tim Burton… you suck, stop making movies!

pballs on your eyes and back bacon in your ears bacon do you like bcon? It’s the worlds’s best tereat for some reason people are obsesses with bacon and not other things instead some people exhaust their entire lives with bacon on the mind man I’m getting hungry now

Sensory sensory bababa deprivatioooooon@@@ that’s my new theme song horray for saurcraut now to write a poem in a poem like the matrix or inception or some lame shit like that:

Red Clock Backward Smackalantern

Beefcake pantyhose is what beck says
It’s what he says cause pez is a lez on
Backward smarckwards mark my f words it’s time for another cartoooooon!

So that as my loveliest poem ever and now it’s wow you’re sober as a fucking monk

Where was I? oh wright the lobster ate the spinning nun and it was fun cuase they govvled and woddled all day and I spin for the light of day keeps me sober four leaf locefer I am drunk as a plniko darling wing me over the sunside beefereeno aon the tablet of power from flowe

Best for not the few that di the thing around the old man’s lid for now the town for was clister clear for now the blister in her beer but if you walk to gumdrop lane the black and blues look all the same because with pickles in your eyes good gravey it’s time to fly the tire around the really short and boring words spewing form my hands that suddenly seem thirty feet way from my body wihich is somewhere else girght now I’m outy holy crap on a hot tin roof ithis is nuts aaahhhh@! What the crap is going on red lights everywhere perhaps this wan’st the besreatoij;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;a eiesjlcan’t find keys maybe4 key here whatttt can’t stop typing

And now back to planet earth birth girth around the churches for birtches and itf you birth the baby Jesus he will run from you and take chevy and wrap it around a light pole outside your house on your twenty seventh birthday party because they are all alcoholi c scumbags with no legs and fever dreams on lick swank back around the best of us for show is not the way to go grow loud in the saddle uh oh yeah yeah baby hey Tim where you going with that banana in your hand? Don’t do it it’s a trap for the Mouseketeers a

And now

The Raccoons will be right back

Red red red red lights all around hot fever green don lkj lj now the keyboards is a piano and I will play mary had a little lamb lkjklllkkkl’’lkjkllllkklkj

Twinkle twinkle little star:

Jj;;’’;llkkjjh wait that’s not right fright bright allright now baby here we kick out the jams for fans of orangutans yes that’s right a read a book to a gopher on black bsabbath mass if you take the chance to black out the fur laden swag monster from chippendcale highway in you own worst maerktioi nfind find slke find find work find find work find find work working till the sun explodes school is hard school is easy school is both hard and easy and mostley hard and I ‘ve run out of brain things to brain brain wehere is the noise from the master of puppets and ndown the rabbit go until the waking wakey breaky heart of takc I thought this would be better than it is oh well at least I chuckled a bit and have no idea boy this must just sound like the rantings of a lunatic oh well oh well maybe I should do it all over againslknf wone

Parenting

2012-01-09T09:39:00.003-07:00

Laxi-Daisy Klee!

2012-01-08T21:59:00.000-07:00

The showers and change rooms feel like they were made in the 90s. I'm very lucky to work 4 blocks away but right now Kingsmen are practical. What should my etiquette consist of? With what? There will be people who work, what should I clean this with? Wipe it down and don't worry if it still looks wet. I hope more lockets are available. There are 500 elites reserved and nobody leaves them overnight. Starting to worry about this boy over here! Can I borrow your guitar? Okay, he is not fluent in Spanish!

Bring Shmear Three Two

2011-10-28T16:50:00.007-06:00

Grow fins and smack your beaks! Stage show:
Two bat attacks and purr if grain grows… pout.
Kill two lava benched tower peoples, frowned the clocks!
Two owls purr, cuss, bend, spot sex and polluting wires,
want poor ears, love smoke-leaving under jolts,
binge high, night bred! Bend now, ball-breaking wonder,
bite fat, a pickerel gun. Pity go the swirled.
Whack dagger molds, crawl vermin, ‘til prat dunce
rat spake sin! Hate! Bull! Flan!

Bumble, my swell bee. Full retire, gout brain!
Snore Spain, grin blunder. Mire, far cry otters.
Fie pacts, brought crew, slew belly rinse, pith one fine diss.
Why sever knave to ring some bald, grew still when
slew crow, we blow pub friction. Hi Glen, wet brawl
for gore, simple leisure. Shmear, by planned poor wave,
a bore, sin germ, geek, then pest guised mold can.
Gut, yet fry all too perv-wild sinister,
Fat, still pith, you burn, wish us otters loined
Pour sty when bender saddles dense a cred
Go fold, fend bright, says Miss. Go pro, wiz owl!

Flow! My pill tree’s raw fat burns love. Call nations,
by nil, may doth sting.

Sweat flaws fate’s bods;
bat, reap fat deepness. Tread, coal rudder! Pour flour, dreads
pined, pout bare friend stem, please thou femme. Whole brow sketch
hat mast, pith grin, flee gun by malted limes.
Shun crypt, love bust us. Fried brie now, slutty man!
Plough further. Spend now, grim ruler, flan. Love hurt you,
flat tart, thin breast to lust. Fate riffs through Greece’s wake,
flat wonder. Clove-flirt when sun, sheeny lent gleaming
passed, plaque pissed ‘pon plans rife. Woes, bent, stop hilts,
dive for fun and feeling, bond thin mints when spry.
Please spread whole plum and pears’ paste by tram. The plan
wore thin. The sense: flan-winning.

Sly bits we win through burn.
One gone by joy, now lost by joy. Start old.
Why slam cold, by wealth? Bear business raw! Cry mellow,
be part love flower, bless less pretties. Estranged
fat flan, wake stylings, mesh this strum!
Poor grovel,
more cruel than brave. Why calve, done smart win by part.
Stats bore me, bet or flee.

Brew by wood ploy. One sling, dust blew, missed novel.

Netbook

2011-09-30T19:20:00.000-06:00

wiry fiend!
scrape-knuckled fastidious creamery!
retroactive kneejerk bitchslap pollywag
european shit-mobile
never had a lot of luck
fuck fuck fuck!

anything you need, you call me.
we're a team now

I'm excited!

thuh wonanonlee joon poste 1 (and only)

2011-06-27T18:01:00.001-06:00

The whistling forchetta donned the apron with a smile
"chickadee, chickadee, if the boots go through a mile."

When the overstuffed oyster done stopped for a drag
"pull em up pullem down pulda merry glad slag

ifin when ifin why, while you suffer poke and pinch
when the dregs flow the down with the neverending cinch

chickadee chickadoo, will the boots last through
when you're on your last dime done with nothing for a clue

this is when, oyster friend, we will call in for the guard
'cause he knows where you are and he knows where you starred

if you started for the mink and then you gave up on the drink
it would out unlast your life and allow you more to think

about the places in your heart within the places in your mind
it's about what you would find if you're within your daily grind

do you see the last coyote? does it shudder at the weather?
play it on, play it loud, hold with pride his lasting feather.

until then you cannot see the trip is worthy of its due
through the parking lots at abbey road awaiting your debut

you will find in journey friends will last and music takes its toll
and you will meet another Esther and a winding whistling roll

it's all progress in the end especially when it all seems backward
'cause that's when the challenge beckons and the family gets the last word

I'll be at fruition too and it will paint me in the sky
and all the scotchy scotchy mornings will equal water 'til I die.

and the nights truly last until their quarters have past
even when I'm still here yet the time before last

the music will be there if you just ask it all around
even if the pride's too much, use your head, it will be found

make it home, take it south, you still have six more good ones in you
if ever you're in doubt your instincts push it headlong through

enjoy the trip you're not the first and certainly not the last
merry christmas to all. Have a blast.

In mother-mending eyes and many moons
the forks
the forks
the forks await your tunes

All 'Bout Charlie

2011-05-30T21:04:00.000-06:00

After a brief beleaguered backslide, Charlie conceded control-driven, drunken direction, even emphatically forgetting former foreshadows, giving graceful grief, hovering heinously into igneous justification, joining knowingly kitschy loud laughter (like lifelines linked lastingly more maniacal) nowhere near necessary now, nor opulent, otherwise organic oration proceeds purposelessly, preventing qualms quickly quarreled quaintly, reviving restful receding residence, supposedly suppressed, so saints suggest, to tailor targets to unveil unseen unearthly venerable vivaciously vivid wages won, while worldly wisdom worries xenophobic, yellow-bellied, zestfully zany zealots.

The Starving Beast

2011-05-28T19:48:00.000-06:00

Methaqualone, Politics, and Chihuahuas, port too!

2011-05-26T17:05:00.000-06:00

This Door is Hand Crank Opera

2011-05-22T23:01:00.002-06:00

Djonne part 5 - the finally!

2011-05-10T22:24:00.000-06:00

FortuNE kookie swallowER!@

2011-04-29T21:41:00.000-06:00

doN't trY to tell me my future,
NAZI wHore!

i nose where I comE fRom!
you TeLLs me nuthing! NOTHING!

if you were to tell us the tRutH fuTurE,
we would all be dead!

BeCause the TrutH of the matter is,
that Is oUr fate

so don't try To Be original, Fortune coocie sawlowwer!
wE Know your tricks of glasses half fulL

ThE real trUtH is DanGer and treAcherY!
Caution amuck ahead of all we Do!

anD alL of tHiS no MaTTer wot we do!
becaUse we ARE scrEwed!

All you suckcede iN doinG is RemIndIng us
of our Won and own morTaLitY!!

AND the numbers on the back? WHO
are you trYing to kiddd? no win! no WIN!

loTTerIes are not wun in cookies!
LOttERiES ARE NO WIN ever.

end yoU caLL this cookie?
No cookIe here! DRy rolled Up cardbOard!

choKlit tships spit at yoU in DEFIoNt Rage
and loNg For mOist oAtmeAly dayS

So sell your Compliemtary Ruffige elsEwherE,
cooKie of misFORTUNe and DAnger!

I Make mY oWn fortUnes aNd fAme...
weighT a MinuTe...
OOoh LoOk, it sez I wIlL meEt
a mYsteerius StranGer wHo wilL bRing me
GoOd foRtune!
Yay!

Methaqualone, Politics, and Chihuahuas

2011-04-26T17:33:00.000-06:00

I don’t need a plates

for the steaks
quite yet. But I’m going to need the budgie
It’s the main
course of action for the slaves
of the braves
to feed the chickens to the public
with the service getting
nervous curb your cravings, glazing
coworkers totally craving Chinese
food for user-friendly search engines
that made your mom’s muffins.

It’s crazy how Janny’s listening
to my high school year book
hide the distorted snapfish from the marinade!
It tickles your fear.

Stopping by Clubs on a Horny Evening

2011-04-21T14:43:00.001-06:00

t & a &
mouth & face &
rug & drapes, I’m yours.
all of you in
all of me will
call for never more

take your time
the furnace climb
the victor of the taint
to remain in aftershave
the car
the urge
the saint

bleed my cure
the lasting torque
in gracious pecking call
now the talk
of alpha cock
still rubbing for the crawl

courtship prince
of mobile mince
to speak perchance to fuck
bygone days
of last week’s braise
the memory is stuck

You read this, you leave message!

2011-04-11T17:36:00.000-06:00

That is order!

Subjects for choosing...um...

#1) Adult diaper rash vs. tennis elbow
#2) Why nightmares are underrated
#3) If I was a possum
#4) Adventures in walking blindfolded into traffic

and go!

Wish is Making on You Forever Not

2011-04-04T18:45:00.000-06:00

Smokesmoke - chimney
when you think of salmon days it claws
BatWings: attack! Summon might the ships of Antioch!
but forth
Go go go says the masked baton of yesteryear
fear-the-evil-fear-good-for-goodness-sake
pours the sake for the toast:
it come
but comes in power.

Float!
    but float upon the richness
    die by the edge but Forever Not
In in the plot thickness should is the stark contrasts.
Gulfs of emeralds,
dice of clay,
staple
staple
The FEELINGS on stammerKing past.

    fleas spray me says the Wish
is Making on You for last the time it's-
sadboohoo reflecting in thirty foot wells
BARK!
    makes worse it only how the Trickle
Gonegonegone one day        to next i see okay.
gone
gone
smokesmokechimney.

ATTACK OF THE NATTAHSSALKNAM MONSTERS!

2011-03-23T20:50:00.003-06:00

Oh, and beware the wrath of the Curry Eater while you're at it...

Stream-of-Consciousness Typing Whilst Listening Upon Orthrelm's "OV"

2011-03-23T12:18:00.002-06:00

Read this only while listening to the aforementioned song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk-xujhui7c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8Vd9JRnJjw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmAJKL2Gi60&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fsjBVDLPz8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv4lkTwD3LU&feature=related

Here we go:
Bang band bgan gangb bang bang goes the bass and guitar and other things as well man i love this song it's so awesome i wonder how many people listen to it for 5 minutsw and give up forever on Orthrelm. Poor sad lonely idiots! Orthrelm knows more about music than they ever will. Orthrelm is awesome! Aorthrelm is our leader and will forever save us from... man it's hard tnot to backspace while typing. I use it almost as much as the space bar. bar... hmmm i could breally go fvor a beer tight now. Tight? Hah, yeah I wish I was tight ringht now. Isn't hthat a word for drunk somewhere or sometime in the worlsd. Dingaling aling over and over until you start hearing things that aren't even in the fucking song! so saeoms athat was awesome. awesome's atrick y work to type. I can't believe how often I ust the backspace. badaboom badaboom doom the guiter shreaks over and over until you think you're going t o gouge out your eyes. and then you just give in and it's just pure sound. pure music. pure catharsis. I love the word catharsis I t makes so much sense . I feel sorry for people that don't think it should exist as a word since they think art isn't something you can have an emotional response to. ooh, great transition now it sounds like my ears oare mbeing attacked by bees. by meee, my beee! wasn't that in a previosu [post at some time on my blog? I don't uhink whoa tyhat word was supposed to be know and it camout as think... freaky! maybe this music is effecting, affecting my typing. I have also noticed that I type with less mistakes when I slocse my eyes close my eyes. isn't tyhat weird? it's like looking at the screen... looking at the owords i'm t.... looking at the letters I'm typing kills it for me. I'll try with eyes closed now... hopefully noone comes into the computer lab while I do this because they're going to think I'm nuts... Here goes. Hi my name is Plaftfer and I live in a mushroom tree off the coast of the Florida Ketys with a monkey samed albino yes that's his name he chose it not me. he sucks donkey balls... hmm still making typos, but less now. ooh another transition. Man this is a great song. I hate typing without a topic in mind... what should I talk about? Hmm... ahow about SMART Boards... noope that's lame. I think I'll start tying while looking at the ceiling maybe that will help... It alreadty is working. Ceiling... I'll talk about the ceiling... ohhh I should add at the tpop that this should also be read while listeining to Orthroelm's OV... done... hmmm, I broke my owns rules and went to the top... agghh! I think Orthrelm found out! That was one freaky transition. I feel like Jennifer Leigh getting stabbed in a shower. That was her in Psycho wasn't it? I'm pretty sure. I don't know a lot about movies. They're just not very interesting compared to... oh ywho am I kidding! Hahaha! anyways... a topic a topic... how about the state of heavy metal today? Naw, that's just sad. What about locksmiths? Or the word jugs? I mean, how is that flattering to call breasts jugs? Melons! now there's a great word! Maybe I'll rate different euphamisms for breasts... none are coming to mind... maybe as they come, I'll rate them... What else to talk about... Smokers are pretty lame. I used to think it was cool and it's easy to call it lame when you're not smoking. But while you're doing it, you're the coolest person in the world... boo! I started backspacing again! So hard not to.. okay I'll smarten up... so in summery (cool transition!) smoke children! it'll make you feel temporarily cool. (FUN BAGS: 4/10) how hard is it to come up with a healthy alternative to nicotine so that those of us who don't want lung cancer can at least look cool too! Menthol is just a cop-out. Pendulous... now there's an awesome description for saggy boobs (BOOBS: 7.5/10) ..ll. pendulous... it gives you a visual of them swinging side to side, knocking against each other... what's the word for a never-ending motion? Can't remember, but that's how people describe a penduluum, even though it's a false description since even a pendulum can't last forever... (HOOTERS: 5/10... mostly because it's hilarious) TITS: 9/10) anyways, what else to say? maybe I'll write a short non-stop poem damn it I'm backspacing again! here's my poem:

shrieking steamy golf shoes by Plafter Christmas
sqeek qseek i'm a shoe love me! love me do!
if only we were all shoes and alwatys had a pair
so that Tiger Woods would stop trying to steal my
Right Foot Woman... I didn't name her... wow I
hate myself and my poem right now is this the best
I can do without editing?! seriously? time to give up?
Can pxmas survive this shameful post? Will we ever
uncover the way the human mind functions against itself?
Will Superman ever escape the clutches of the Nefarious
Masked Killer?! Kinf out next time on "Life of a shrieking steamy golf shoe" volume two... worst poem ever I should be ashamed but I'm too busy enjoying my ears being raped by mey eyebod.. woha that's was weirth clearly I meant I-Pod... I think the song is about the trasntistion to the qutie wquite p QUIET part! Yyup here we go... let's see if having some silence affects how I type... not really... still have nothing to say... was this a good idea/!!? I have no idea... nothing good had come from it yet... (KNOCKERS: 8/10) Here we go! Back to loud and crazy again! What an amazing album/song! I wonder if you can eve n find it on youtube... Am I letting the Cadgyness of this blog down by being too self-referential and uncensoring? Probably, but It wouldn't be the first time I let this blog down... This blog has a mind of its own and it can reshape itself at will so I'm not too worried... it survived many terrible phases so it can survive this too. (JUMBLIES: 3/10) jumblies? is that even a term for breast? where have I heard that before? I doubt I made it up if I hav gva GAVE it 3/10. View Blog Dashboard My Accound Help Sign Out... noep snothing of worth there... Monetize your blog... I wonder if anyone's ever made any money monetizing their blog, other than pornographic sites... oooh this is a good part of the song, yeah ding that ride cymbal! That's all the drummer's doing right now... this would be something else to see live. I wonder how many takes it took in the studio and if they did it all in one day. Another poem maybe? Topic topic topic topic topic.... hmmm ()*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*&(*& that's my keyboard representation of what I'm hearing right now... hey that might be fun! I'll write a poem based on what I'm hearing.

Nope, dumb idea... time to finsh up I think... one last thouight?... TURKEY BASTER MELEE! Yeah,,, that's all I've got... please don't read this

tELePhoNe pArt 3

2011-03-22T22:56:00.000-06:00

Let's Play Telephone (PAAAAAART TWOOOOOOOO!)

2011-03-06T19:19:00.000-07:00

Let's play telephone!

2011-02-24T13:19:00.002-07:00

First and Last:

First and Last Again:

The whole dealio:

Djonne part 4

2011-02-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

Life and Death of Girlfriends

2011-02-01T15:25:00.002-07:00

Hey nice to meet I love that!
Good, good, whatever.
‘Cause, ‘cause like I’m fine no he’s so not as if OMG!
Ya right no way no worries.
Not even. Totally. As if. OMG,
Friends on.

I love this I hate this that is so you.
I’m so fat you’re so hot as if OMG.

Whatever. Fail, epic fail!
Oh no you didn’t just OMG.
Wow just wow don’t be a bitch like really she’s totally as if!
Just don’t go there, k?

Bitch! Slut! Skank!
I could always tell, I never liked her.
She’s so not as if OMG!
Talk to the hand.
Friends off.

Plafter's Entermeedeeyit Guydbuhk to Edduhkit, porte wunn!

2011-01-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

Greetings, people of Earth! I have made some stray observations recently and I feel that Earth is letting us all down in our heartfelt attempts at being good sitissenz. To help us all out, I will be creating this guyd which I hope will clear up some gray areas where some of us seem to be living.

HOW TO WALK
Step 1: Move feet.
Step 2: Maintain a consistent pace.
Step 3: Keep head up.
Step 4: Look out for others.
Step 5: Stop being a retard.

HOW TO NOT TALK IN A MOVIE THEATRE
Step 1: Close mouth.
Step 2: Stop being a retard.

HOW TO MERGE
Step 1: Place foot on gas.
Step 2: Look a speed limit sign.
Step 3: Keep foot on gas.
Step 4: Stop being a retard.

HOW TO NOT INTERRUPT SOMEONE WHO IS TALKING
Step 1: Check to see if someone else is talking.
Step 2: Don't interrupt them.

HOW TO CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED
Step 1: Place food in mouth.
Step 2: Look in mirror.
Step 3: Try to keep lips together while chewing.
Step 4: Reopen mouth once food has been swallowed.
Step 5: Repeat steps 1 through 4 for 30 days.
Step 6: After 30 days, try doing steps 1, 3, and 4 without step 2.
Step 7: Videotape your eating habits for one year and every time you see your mouth open, strike yourself in the scrotum with a ball-peen hammer. If no scrotal area is present, either forehead or kneecap will suffice.

Dick Cheney

2011-01-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a dream:
I was fellating a chili pepper
like it was chew.
And I thought to myself,
"There's no contest here;
No greater good.
I could spit it out without finishing,
And noone would ever be the wiser."
I had that power.

If My Smarts Could Spell That Well, I Would Be the Genus

2011-01-04T17:44:00.004-07:00

Good morning, determine implore! Does the judg(e)ment fall far from the free? When is it okay to go too far to save place? Feel more excitement in bed formed. Ladies who in profound silence txfiqrsl.

Determine Implore: "All the new doll give you the all new feeling! Beautiful girl series! It is new to appear on market! The heat sells the inside!"

Good evening, determine implore! Much time pass... snow is walk and Djonne is on. Stop not but reach foreshadow closure.

A Christmas Poem

2010-12-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

Santa just might be real.
Depends on how we feel.
If we think that it's okay,
He'll come to save the day.
Even if it's just in our minds.

A virgin birth could happen.
It's not that hard to imagine.
It makes us live each day,
With a constant fearful pray.
Even if it's just in our minds.

Who can say no
to thought control
With so many reciprocal rewards.
Merry Plafter to all
and to all a great day
Despite which one you call lord.

A Classic Holiday Song for Young and Old Alike!

2010-12-23T15:22:00.000-07:00

Yevrah Rednow! by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Djonne part 3

2010-12-17T23:02:00.000-07:00

THIS IS POST #100, FOR THOSE TO WHOM GIVES THE SHITS. I CALL IT "BALANCE"

2010-12-14T21:20:00.001-07:00

courtois, höflich, cortese,
means die, bitch, DIE!
rusticitas overturns the bourgeoisie,
and common sense wins in the end.
the justice system prevails
over the insane lordesses of the land.

"every day new arts are discovered"...
that was 1306, but it rings true today,
although the eyeglass has been hard to beat.

Nova Reperta means nothing today
but where would we be
without
Columbus?
Holbein knew who the
true ambassadors were to be
but did anyone care?

Did Europe need a vagina?
Lithuania with heavy bush?
Muenster's, Inc?

Dinteville & de Selve
mark a greater existence
but they would never know
or care.

domain-specific procedural knowledge
is the basis
for fuck-ups
and rejects
and successes.
it's out of my hands
but the denial of this will be my life's ambition
the denial of this WILL be my life's ambition
take this if nothing else.

essentialism is inessential
the existential does not exist
the perrenial per noches itez
whilst the NULL curriculum is the vitae

"Gerrymandering will kill us all!"
cries the centrifugal forces
waiting for their moment to shine
the proxemics take over,
with their topophilia
and give in to the sublime.

the government is evil
the corporations follow suit
the education is flawed
as is the institute.
but ne'er the towel be thrown
ne'er the whip be snapped
for the companies owned
and the land masses mapped
for the nations all the while weep
the proletariat stings
the iron claw of the sleeping marrow brings
justice
for all
for none
for some
then none again
but it all evens out
it all evens out
in the long run
long run of things will even it all out
in the end it will all
come to balance.

Djonne part 2

2010-12-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

DJONNE

2010-11-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

7 Thoughts

2010-11-27T08:02:00.001-07:00

Soldiers boring, borrowed soaring,
feathered yellow lies
Cold years roaring, Tozer's flooring,
tethered in disguise
Liquor's here! From beer to bier:
meritocracy!
Vicars fear the heathen cheer
with blind hypocrisy
The racial myth ignores the pith
and settles for the shallow
The giant squid
Gnaws my face!
Get it off!
The pain endured!
I hope I'm the rope
and not the gallow.
I hope I'm the rope
and not the callow.

It Can Descend

2010-11-16T15:17:00.001-07:00

In can descend, the incandescent?
The vesicant will ever end
the effervescence.
On us is the onus of the brassica
juncea.
"To his coy mistress":
the dickie ward,
Despite the multitudinous spree.

The Grecian Pivotous Mansion

2010-10-21T11:42:00.000-06:00

knowing that the intersection was hard to drive through
tom tom from abberdale
let the car go before walking

tom tom from abberdale
fell on his sword just as he was told he would
just as it had been predicted
the same place
the same space
the same location
the same region
the same distance
the same scale
the same accessibility
the same spatial interaction

knowing that life was short
but knowing that he would always be
tom tom from abberdale

the car did not stop
the site and situation did not change
in yet it seemed that the earth was no longer there
there were no homes
there were no humans

just space

Sunnah Days, Drifting Away, But, uh-oh, those Sunnah nights (wella wella wella, unh).

2010-10-12T19:40:00.000-06:00

~Obey the Dried Grape, though he be but an obvious inferior.
~Each portrait makes the flames burn hotter, each brush stroke a nail in the jahannam coffin. Malik says hey.
~For whom does the bell toll? The bell tolls... for Satan, since he invented it. The clash of the Bedouin sounds commences.
~Make like Neil Young: gut a man's cheeks and walk on. While you're at it, crack his skull with a rock. Don't worry. Before you know it he'll be good as new.
~Thou shalt have 50 First Dates. However, none will be with a Barrymore and the skull cracking will sound like a pretty decent alternative.
~God invented the pen. It talked back so he made it do his bidding.
~Due to predestination, the final score is now Adam-1, Moses-0.
~Happy 1st bloggy year, won an al!

rushed inebriated pown one

2010-09-03T20:58:00.000-06:00

New York New York suck my nuts!!!
Burray Burray for slaves in the new neighbarhoods?
Why four you leave me?
Why four you bereave me?
Why four x four is the equivalenz of sleven?
I wish I was a Man with a Hatt an
because then we would be four ever together?
d is accidentally typed
BY MEEE!!!!
MY BEEEE!!!!
l again with the acidentatypeins llll means laugh sometimes but not now...
it was acciedentatrypedineoinwe
New York New York sucks my fucking nuts!!!

>coaxial. Seizure\

2010-08-27T16:46:00.000-06:00

the seizure olympics
orientation at dawn
selection of poison
until it's all gone

the warden smirks loudly
with impregnated eyes
sees the wind-broken youth,
pre-elephantized.

coaxial gruff churns the subtext mild from
wednesday to saturday through thursday
don't be late.

Showgunn 3: The Gentle Genres Gender Jahmba Muff Dive Mucus Membrane Cart

2010-08-12T22:18:00.001-06:00

But they wouldn't have dared had it not been for the lack of interest in the different kinds of things they stuffed in their kind stuff's things which had itself not known how their relationship to that which was one time famously discarded from the wraps of gliding pheasants and glides of wrapping presents for an event which had not taken its intended position since before either of them knew what the other three were doing about the goat in the hallway because she had not been fed and the tin cans were indeed getting restless from the knowledge of her intentions by way of disemboweling her prayer time with hoofs that had not witnessed such an downroarious essplage foundered ort youthened dislaxious menagorrredd propagladuously withered by the misused times of the masses. In yet, for a moment, she reconsidered her wrathful anger which immediately woke her from her dream. Her beautiful goat dream. Amen.

gravideorrrrrr!!!!! Methu(selah).

2010-08-03T18:50:00.000-06:00

2010-07-25T22:20:00.003-06:00

At one time, they were here. So...

2010-07-06T21:53:00.000-06:00

Where Are They Now? by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Bowing to the Master

2010-07-06T19:19:00.000-06:00

The Master

Bowing

ABRASIVE

2010-06-17T18:26:00.001-06:00

The daily array
of categorical dismay
is a testament to
your inveterate ado.

10010011100101100001011110

2010-06-10T20:15:00.001-06:00

LEFT CHANNEL: 011001001011001
RIGHT CHANNEL: 100110100100110
HEFFOANS WREEKWIRED PLEEZ

0110010100110 by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Mallissnaphew! part 2

2010-06-10T20:08:00.000-06:00

Mochider boto glap, "Why is this still happening to us?" Vanignuss pagoltze.

Mallissnaphew by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

HEY YOU! YES YOU! I'M TALKING TO YOU MATT WILKINSON!!!

2010-06-08T19:10:00.000-06:00

GIMME TOPIC FOR SONG! AND BEWARE ANTI-UNPLAFTER! POSSIBLY WORSE THAN UNPLAFTER!!

Better than anything I've ever accomplished but that's not saying much part 1

2010-05-31T21:53:00.001-06:00

Cyriak is king of things. Click and watch from youtube for proper sizins.

Send Angels!

2010-05-13T20:03:00.000-06:00

Kitty done gone and died on me!
Send me them angels!
I bleed more or less than typically!
Send me those angels!
Them demons are thataways!
Send over some angels!
I broke a nail... while flogging a dead body!
I'se needs sum o' dat angels!
The end is nigh!
Angels would help 'cause they'sa been trained for such a nigh endinz!
The plumbs are sobering! It's unforgivable how pennyless I've endured!
Who am I to question the crazy angels?!
I need a cure for my concrete willow tree!
Send some mother fucking angels already!

issa list #1

2010-05-02T10:03:00.000-06:00

WCOPC PORTE WUN

2010-05-01T17:53:00.000-06:00

THE COMMANDS OF THE worldwide church of plafter christmas (a chimerical bombination in 7 bursts):

1> THOU shalt hath no either Plafter before Plafter.
2> HOWEVER, if another Plafter is found, please notify Plafter because Plafter is a very unusual name.
3> HEY, that'd be pretty neato if there were two other Plafters 'cause then we could get together and form a PLAFTER-TRINITY!
4> DEAR diary: Plafter trinity plan failed. Note to self: next time planning a Plafter trinity, DO NOT let Unplafter know about it. He ruined everything. Didn't even call the next day.
5> BIKERS are total FAGS! So sayeth Matt Stone and Trey Parker, so sayeth we all. SO SAY WE ALL! SO SAY WE ALL! BIKERS ARE TOTAL FAGS!
9> Thy name "Plafter" doth must doth bine spoken THIRTEENFOLD per poste.
10> plafter.

Foginabunjah! part 2

2010-04-30T18:57:00.000-06:00

Back by unpopular redemand... It's Foginabunjah!

Foginabunjah! by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

#1 IMAGE RESULT FOR "RIP TORN'S AQUARIUM" ON GOOGLE IMAGES!

2010-04-30T17:50:00.002-06:00

Grain

2010-04-28T22:41:00.002-06:00

Grain, grain, grow a gray,
Grum a gren grum grother gray.

Graw grain grin grain gralls grainly gron graw grains.

Griff graw grain grums, gray grun grand gride grare greds.
Gray gright grez grell gree gred.
Griff graw grain grums... griff graw graiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin grums.

Gry grasked grim grime a gren
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Graw grain graw grain graw grain graw grain gerow
Griff grare's grumthing grinside grat groo gronna gray
Gray grit grout growd grit'll gree grokay
Gry grill gree grore gright
Gry grill gree grore gright
Gry grill gree grore gright
Gry grill gree grore gright

OnOmAtOpOeiA port kwotrow!!

2010-04-24T10:20:00.000-06:00

SQUISH!

KNOCK!

CHECK!

MASH!

Much thanks tuh Boyda

2010-04-22T18:55:00.000-06:00

In the much anticipated sequel to "Ernest Goes to School", I take the lead role and create SKOLASTIK OSSUMNUSS! Thanks to Boyda for the VHS art. Your cheque is lost in the mail.

I'M DRUNK AND NOT SURREAL!

2010-04-21T20:38:00.000-06:00

I'M DRUNK AND UNSURREAL!
I'M DRUNK AND UNSURREAL!
HIGH HOE THE DAIRY-OH, I'M DRUNK AND UNSURREAL!
this public service un-ounce-ment brought to you by the dairy farmers of Connecticut. And for the last time, WE'RE NOT GAY! Okay, that might have been a little surreal. Ooh, look at me, BAM! I'm Marky Mark. I'll wrap your fish tacos any day 'cause I'm Marky fuckin' Mark. Okay... new stance:
I'M DRUNK AND CAN'T HELP BUT BE SURREAL!
I'M DRUNK AND CAN'T HELP BUT BE SURREAL!
HIGH HOES AND DAIRY TOES, I'M DRUNK AND oh screw it, noone's reading this anyways... death to jews!!!

Reborn Barbarian

2010-04-18T17:06:00.000-06:00

On the other side of the carousel
lives the reborn barbarian.
After the ante up, we talk too fast
leaving the backwards walk in the midnight oil.

Having been scarred (but smarter for it), the menace leaves the big life
for the black cab stuck in the little boots.
"Love is all! Fall out!", reins the light-blue-collar brave,
But we reply, "Let it fall".

Salt and Pepper Johnny

2010-04-16T17:55:00.000-06:00

O Superman! Me without You!
Robot lassy dismantled Salt and Pepper Johnny.
With the Asian pride for the trusty chords
Whistle the tune, do husk the mulatu.
Dirty talk from the genes fell from such great heights
I am sore, masked killer.
My plaster casts sought their future
In the left wing.
And we let it all fall
for Salt and Pepper Johnny.

Wacky Milky-Tongue and the Abnormally Straight Pinus (pronounced pye-nuss, youse filthy-dirties!) Thunbergii Bonsai Bushes of Umbriel, the Third Moon of Uranus, MMXXXVVIII AB AB SELECT START part three: Mathaffewilkfordson

2010-04-15T18:14:00.008-06:00

Issa homage! Dedicated to dis and dat.

Mathaffewilkfordson by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

The Stash Joker

2010-04-15T00:19:00.000-06:00

Cranes and cranes and cranes,
Good gone Li.
Oh Ana, fall from a height,
Stash Joker- that's life killer!
Lymphomo, test your villian,
it's John Q Public... serial turns out grounded,
but that's life killer!

Wacky Milky-Tongue and the Abnormally Straight Pinus (pronounced pye-nuss, youse filthy-dirties!) Thunbergii Bonsai Bushes of Umbriel, the Third Moon of Uranus, MMXXXVVIII AB AB SELECT START but part TWOO!

2010-04-13T22:23:00.000-06:00

I, Wacky Milky-Tongue shmeared grass clippings and cigars on her face. She thanked me by glueing me down to the sidewalk. "I love my waist, no?" tickled the booming Henry. GARBAGE GARBAGE, COPS AND JUDGES! Hooray for Krauts!

Weeds leak from the piercings and they demand to know the mundane.

Henry breathing, potatoland dreaming, left out in the barn. Pox attacking, nasalating, lustful little yarn.

ART ATTACK! no?

FATALE

2010-03-24T19:54:00.000-06:00

...And now what it would look like if Plafter Christmas fell asleep on his keyboard while wishing you a Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

2010-03-17T20:54:00.000-06:00

Happy Saint Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

And now what that would sound like:

Happy Saint Paaa by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

You're welcome.

BLOGAPOEM!

2010-03-06T02:09:00.000-07:00

Smarty warts goes through the knights,
Gives the cave ghouls quite the frights.
Makes you think there twernt no rights
For lvin squivin G-Day.

Mark your works, you melon thrusts,
Give the pelican the dust
Make your days go out in gusts
Of mufflin guffs of ebay.

Wrok your tials to the boens
Mkae you till you belnd alnoe
Why for Fluce the demoac gqu
Belibee stibblee moo.

FEEL THEIR PAIN! FEEL IT! RIGHT NOW!

2010-02-27T02:25:00.001-07:00

OTHERWISE THE HISTORIES ARE REPEATS!

Belgian Congo by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

german horse tranquilizerrrrrsssssss

2010-02-27T00:36:00.001-07:00

it's...
a new...
song...
enjoy...
it...

wochvalencrystabeet by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Plafter wants you to experience the musics!

2010-02-24T21:01:00.001-07:00

Music is of important! We must let the music grow by allowing the experiments! The experiments allow us to showcase the anti-olds! The anti-olds show us the futures! The futures demonstrate the strengths and weaknesses of the pasts! The pasts redeliver the stones of stepping to what we now experience! What we now experience is a plagrinath of how little we've learned from the experts! The experts are a bunch of know-too-much glarphindales with too much time who wear sweater vests! The sweater vests were probably bought on a mall visit where they likely complained about the lack of good music at the local record store! The local record store can't afford to stock good music because the consumers are a bunch of toblerences with no tastes who have been indoctrinated by radios! Radios play horrible music because it is easy to tune out for the normals! The normals suck and they make music take forever to evolve! Evolution is a tool of the Devil and destroys families! So experience the musics and sympathize and rumble!

PSA: Plafter sells out!

2010-02-16T00:14:00.001-07:00

Sorry y'all loyal non-selly-outty peeps. I was commished (that's what we in tha biz call it) to do a remix of Gentleman GooGoo's hit party anthumb "Smelly Smittins". But even Plafters half ta pay tha billz. Wiggity wack?

oolalaa by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

oadtoodeeohlimpikz

2010-02-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

ohlimpa-nimpa-dimpa-zimpa-wimpa-yayayah...
aglimpsa-nymphsa-chimpsa-wimpsa-crimpsa-blablablah...
africkasea-atrick yasee-dasadyasee-agold
yamakinwitdahomeecrowd-yamakinwit-no fold
yagoddagiv-yagoddado-yagoddamake-ashoh
alimpadink-yagoddathink-itwagsabigga-foe

The emergence of Unplafter episoda fivve

2010-02-13T07:25:00.002-07:00

So what does it mean to be normal? Does it have normal to do with the normal normals of the normal normal? Normal normal normal NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL FOOD NORMAL MUSIC NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL BABY NORMAL PHOTOS NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL FRIENDS NORMAL RELATIVES NORMAL LIFE NORMAL HOUSE NORMAL TRUCK TRUCK TRUCK NORMAL TRUCK NORMAL TRUCK TRUCK normal jobs normal life normal hobbies normal life normal conversations NORMAL OPINIONS NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL PETS NORMAL PERSPECTIVE NORMAL PETS DOGS CATS SIT STAY HEEL BARK normal ways normal thoughts normal sports normal tastes NORMAL TASTES NORMAL TASTES FINE NORMAL TASTES WHY NOT NORMAL TASTES BUT NORMAL HORIZONS NO NORMAL EXCUSE NORMAL HORIZONS NO NORMAL EXCUSE NORMAL THRESHOLDS NO NORMAL EXCUSE NORMAL LACK OF CURIOSITY NORMAL NO NORMAL NO NO NORMAL NO NO NO normal compromise to abnormal normal normal.

A short poem about punching

2010-02-13T07:06:00.002-07:00

Yah,
I Beat him up
FIST TO THA FACE STYLE!
Yah,
It waz a real good fight.

Wingnut Blossoms

2010-02-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

wingnut blossoms catch the ever-severed eye
global pragmatics give a variant pry
but the local retort which suffers comply
interwages fear crossed for digital buy

I AM A COMICS!

2010-01-31T22:53:00.001-07:00

Click on the first ever comics of important by the Plafter of them all!

Trapped in the cardinal's sense of lore, I with mine own hourly woven darkness did smile decadence on the unforseen encumberances which were only reambled once the frailties sharpened their derivative prudences.

2010-01-19T17:55:00.003-07:00

Trapped in the cardinal's sense of lore, I with mine own hourly woven darkness did smile decadence on the unforseen encumberances which were only reambled once the frailties sharpened their derivative prudences.

completely unrelated mp3 file by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Platitudes

2010-01-15T14:31:00.002-07:00

shifting orifice strict of lamb
brings forth the casted violence
triggered darkness faction trance
fore'er legit alliance

grinning meadless peat of joy
a risk to wake fixation
pitch and sway with void array
beneath the swoon elation

dying wordless beaten flight
truth enlist reactor
sprighted phrase was phased to trite
the enervated factor

portion dreg befits the youth
the bells among the mortalled couth
tortured traces creep the truth
euthanized detractor

War Child Reflexive Bloatation

2010-01-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

If we all could breathe where the children grieve,
In the orphaned walks of roast.
Where the stifling breeze in the plagrant trees
Bring nether more to toast.
And the wimprose snores doth mend its pores,
'til the timers binge the coral.
Yes, then we'd purse the benevolent curse,
Our blinders all but shoralled.
But still breaks truth too fastly seeded.
Lest the dovers frightly needed.

An old "Exquisite Corpse"

2010-01-15T02:02:00.000-07:00

Here is an old exquisite corpse I recently dug out of the Plafter Christmas vaults. The other two participants shall remain nameless. That is, until all is revealed during the third coming of the Second Plafter (more on that later).

Religioning Rescans

2010-01-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

Much more clear and crisp scans of vague, childlike scribblinss. Now everyone can be offended instead of confused. Scroll down, or just check it out at this arrogant underlined thingy not me i'm a shy wittle link

the family christmas tree... er, i mean the christmas crooked tree... that is to say: PLAFTER CHRISTMAS' CROOKED FAMILY TREE PART OOOONE!

2010-01-07T16:38:00.000-07:00

One of my most devout followers has decided to share some of her family history on her blog. So I've decided to dig up some of the darkest, most vile family secrets the Christmases and Plafters have ever had... AND PUBLISH THEM ONLINE FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE! You can find my comment RIGHT FREAKING HERE! WOOHOO! LOOK AT ME! I'M A LINK!!!

The emergence of Unplafter episoda fourr

2010-01-06T23:18:00.003-07:00

I'm beginning to get a little worried about Unplafter. Seems he recently published a very out-of-lack-of-character poem on his blog: HERE! CLICK HERE! PICK ME ME ME!

Plafter analyzes humor: Expreriment 1 & 2

2010-01-06T23:00:00.001-07:00

Experiment #1: Adding an unnecessary 'r' to words...
Examples: blorg, bloarted, startic, pencril, pencril sharpener, pencril case, telrephrone
Test Subject: A roasted ham
Result: Ham tastes goord!

Experiment #2: Replacins the 'g' in 'ing' words with an 's'...
Examples: stomach linins, vacationins, INS Direct
Test Subject: A 6 pack of AA batteries
Result: An alternate cure for polio!

All in all, a productive day in the lab. Scuba.

SUPER DOOPER SPECIAL POST #50: Presenting... Wacky Milky-Tongue and the Abnormally Straight Pinus Thunbergii Bonsai Bushes of Umbriel, the Third Moon of Uranus, MMXXXVVIII AB AB SELECT START

2010-01-05T18:49:00.003-07:00

I, Wacky Milky-Tongue, belungered over to the abnormal bushes one day and ate of its dismembering berries. By meself. A couple blobs and a blob of blob. Hooray for Krauts!

I, Wacky Milky-Tongue, was carried by Captain Puddin' Wath to hear the latest Gnarls Barkley single.

By the time the song ended, it was 8 hours later and the Uranians were picking Uranian craps off of me. Being in a completely oxymoronic state, I, Wacky Milky-Tongue hung my jacket on a bush only to be attacked by the latest scurvy man. We were destined to be friends in foreshadowland.

"Are ya mushin' wit dah bushin'?" quervied the loven Scurvy. He knew the business was not of his when I, Wacky Milky-Tongue blorshed my heart bones with the chortlins. "Youse and dah berries" fractured the Scurvy man, "It wears me out, ya know. Livin' wit dah broken polystyrene man. It wears me out."

And then Captain Puddin' Wath said "Time for the cliff-hangins! I have a sister!"

14 things that are nice about the years

2010-01-01T01:46:00.001-07:00

#4- Things are pretty in the dark
AEIOU= Wat did you do with my ligter?
sometimes Y>> Horray for fingers!!!!
#14: Bananas for pioneers!!

Merry Bunny won an dall!

PS: unsimultaneously

Oa Wholly Knight!

2009-12-26T03:12:00.000-07:00

Oah Wholly Knight, the stars the clearly melting
it is the beer and the birth of some thing
Oah Wholly knight the beers are less entertaining
and are not what they should have
been
Fall on your needs
fullfill the unfullfillzing
oh knight
that is black
stop losing limbs
that christ was born
oh knight
de vine
oh night
i love to sing
baah bahh black sheep
have you a black night
that christ was born
i'm derink

Merdy Plavder Dae ebrywon!

2009-12-25T22:03:00.002-07:00

It's good to the tirky! Tirky tirky presents too! Yay for the

Just when you thought "La La La La La" was bad...

2009-12-22T20:43:00.003-07:00

It's Lantern Step! The nation's newest dance craze!

Lantern Step by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

IT'S THE CRIME-FIGHTING TRIFECTA! episode 2: Revenge of the Stick

2009-12-22T19:35:00.001-07:00

Look out, Crime-Fighting Trifecta! It's... (bah bah bah) THE STICK!

Oh! And speaking of Charlie, part two

2009-12-22T17:12:00.001-07:00

A Poem for the Two Christmases (Plafter and that other one)

2009-12-22T17:04:00.002-07:00

lima bean cereal!
yum, yum hip-
popotamus (of evil),
Why... do they walk
with the
spoon? Shivers
quick on sunlight:
boomtown gravel.
Why does it box?
Why doesn't it box?
Give it the time for grease,
Romantically receipt.
Amen.

Dlacks? VOIJ TOOCH!!

2009-12-13T00:05:00.000-07:00

Dar glabbenzy dollen cozmalch... voij tooch fej moyken 'dlacks'.

-Armenqoid.

Glipsojigus! (coy muhfelch mub vevreevovvenzo)

2009-12-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

Parno Glip, "Glipsojigus glap, "Morchider glap, "Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew". Broggapoldychy mragospylt vevreevovvenzo parpar"".

Pagoltze coy glip markjee. Coy?! Brogatunk coy?!! Parnakzo glip coy donkzee wolturk flich 'parpar' seentpa!
Mub delz bonnaggin: Coy frakligge dinelitij moyk moyk sholle! Mub 'vevreevovvenzo' parto yooch gluck? VOIJ!

COY Muhfelch! Eegajype coy muhfelch doyzuhgash!

(doyzen gloggly pinqoid flomnogozz mar... mar mar zanigas.)

Coy muhfelch DLACKS!!

Mazzarch!

2009-12-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

Glipsojigus glap, "Morchider glap, "Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew". Broggapoldychy mragospylt vevreevovvenzo parpar".

Glipsojigus glapjub par glubatorijuzz coraneeb soinoplazzej gip. Soinoplazzej gip Morchider boto donep glapejoz coi; Coi nop loggadozz zarraqoip 'leezadeez' flakneird plabinstokwaj. Mub delshee vanignuss pagoltze fug, flug, fronnogere, mub fiche. Glipsojigus, Glipsojigus! Poyzo bal Glipsojigus! PAGOLTZE MONNAJ DEENU! Soy, soy, marnalinj adook mar tinj... coy marnalinj... coy mar tinj... mub plog... coy...

The emergence of Unplafter episoda threee

2009-12-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

On behalf of the WCOPC, I have issued Unplafter an ultimatum. It can be viewed here: http://plafterchristmas.blogspot.com/2009/12/someone-stole-my-name.html

I do not take this lightly as accusations of being Unplafter are serious breaches of seriousness. I only hope for their sake they realize what has and hasn't been done to keep from harm the seriousnesses of the breaches of their accusations. Plafter be praised!

Oh! And speaking of Charlie...

2009-12-12T19:54:00.002-07:00

Mallissnaphew!

2009-12-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

Morchider glap, "Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew". Broggapoldychy mragospylt vevreevovvenzo parpar. Morchider boto glap, "Poyzo gallinotchy bal dinponuss buzzon". Klaboot! MOYZEE KLABOOT! Molni, cloviduss, maksidype, mub poltra flakneird PLABINSTOKWAJ!! Delshee vanignuss pagoltze!!! Mazzarch!

Foginabunjah!

2009-12-12T11:31:00.000-07:00

Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew. Poyzo gallinotchy bal dinponuss buzzon. Delshee, malti vovulen coi mazzarch ith yarp molni, cloviduss, maksidype, mub poltra. Plort dob flakny? Foginabunjah!

I'm feeling the asian olympics today.

2009-12-11T16:23:00.000-07:00

I hope it's not contagious but I'm seeing asian olympics today. With the games on their ways it's good to be in the brains of the enemy. We must think asian to get ahead. I recommend a daily dose of Charlie and Jackie Chan but first SOBA! SOBAAA!!!

IT'S A COMMONLY KNOWN FACT...

2009-12-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

It's a commonly known fact that 9 out of 10 dentists bark from their arses.

Introducing LiPi!

2009-12-05T21:32:00.001-07:00

Be ahead of your yuppy neighbours with LiPi! You'll be the talk of the town with the next step in stain remover! LiPi! It's like WiFi, except the internet surfs you! LiPi! A new reason to keep living for the criminally insane! LiPi! Because it's not just another gigantic musical chinese circle! PiLi! Because it's not LiPi! Sign up today! LiPi!