Greetings, people of Earth! I have made some stray observations recently and I feel that Earth is letting us all down in our heartfelt attempts at being good sitissenz. To help us all out, I will be creating this guyd which I hope will clear up some gray areas where some of us seem to be living.
HOW TO WALK
Step 1: Move feet.
Step 2: Maintain a consistent pace.
Step 3: Keep head up.
Step 4: Look out for others.
Step 5: Stop being a retard.
HOW TO NOT TALK IN A MOVIE THEATRE
Step 1: Close mouth.
Step 2: Stop being a retard.
HOW TO MERGE
Step 1: Place foot on gas.
Step 2: Look a speed limit sign.
Step 3: Keep foot on gas.
Step 4: Stop being a retard.
HOW TO NOT INTERRUPT SOMEONE WHO IS TALKING
Step 1: Check to see if someone else is talking.
Step 2: Don't interrupt them.
HOW TO CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED
Step 1: Place food in mouth.
Step 2: Look in mirror.
Step 3: Try to keep lips together while chewing.
Step 4: Reopen mouth once food has been swallowed.
Step 5: Repeat steps 1 through 4 for 30 days.
Step 6: After 30 days, try doing steps 1, 3, and 4 without step 2.
Step 7: Videotape your eating habits for one year and every time you see your mouth open, strike yourself in the scrotum with a ball-peen hammer. If no scrotal area is present, either forehead or kneecap will suffice.
Showing posts with label someone should have thought of this years ago. Show all posts
Showing posts with label someone should have thought of this years ago. Show all posts
January 17, 2011
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