Mallissnaphew! part 2

Mochider boto glap, "Why is this still happening to us?" Vanignuss pagoltze.

• Mallissnaphew by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

HEY YOU! YES YOU! I'M TALKING TO YOU MATT WILKINSON!!!

GIMME TOPIC FOR SONG! AND BEWARE ANTI-UNPLAFTER!  POSSIBLY WORSE THAN UNPLAFTER!!

Better than anything I've ever accomplished but that's not saying much part 1

Cyriak is king of things.  Click and watch from youtube for proper sizins.

Send Angels!

Kitty done gone and died on me!
Send me them angels!
I bleed more or less than typically!
Send me those angels!
Them demons are thataways!
Send over some angels!
I broke a nail... while flogging a dead body!
I'se needs sum o' dat angels!
The end is nigh!
Angels would help 'cause they'sa been trained for such a nigh endinz!
The plumbs are sobering! It's unforgivable how pennyless I've endured!
Who am I to question the crazy angels?!
I need a cure for my concrete willow tree!
Send some mother fucking angels already!

issa list #1

WCOPC PORTE WUN

THE COMMANDS OF THE worldwide church of plafter christmas (a chimerical bombination in 7 bursts):

1> THOU shalt hath no either Plafter before Plafter.
2> HOWEVER, if another Plafter is found, please notify Plafter because Plafter is a very unusual name.
3> HEY, that'd be pretty neato if there were two other Plafters 'cause then we could get together and form a PLAFTER-TRINITY!
4> DEAR diary: Plafter trinity plan failed.  Note to self: next time planning a Plafter trinity, DO NOT let Unplafter know about it.  He ruined everything.  Didn't even call the next day.
5> BIKERS are total FAGS! So sayeth Matt Stone and Trey Parker, so sayeth we all.  SO SAY WE ALL! SO SAY WE ALL! BIKERS ARE TOTAL FAGS!
9> Thy name "Plafter" doth must doth bine spoken THIRTEENFOLD per poste.
10> plafter.

Foginabunjah! part 2

Back by unpopular redemand... It's Foginabunjah!

• Foginabunjah! by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

#1 IMAGE RESULT FOR "RIP TORN'S AQUARIUM" ON GOOGLE IMAGES!

Grain

Grain, grain, grow a gray,
Grum a gren grum grother gray.

Graw grain grin grain gralls grainly gron graw grains.

Griff graw grain grums, gray grun grand gride grare greds.
Gray gright grez grell gree gred.
Griff graw grain grums... griff graw graiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin grums.

Gry grasked grim grime a gren
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Grake gree grin grand gry graw grain
Graw grain graw grain graw grain graw grain gerow
Griff grare's grumthing grinside grat groo gronna gray
Gray grit grout growd grit'll gree grokay
Gry grill gree grore gright
Gry grill gree grore gright
Gry grill gree grore gright
Gry grill gree grore gright

OnOmAtOpOeiA port kwotrow!!

SQUISH!

KNOCK!

CHECK!

MASH!

Much thanks tuh Boyda

In the much anticipated sequel to "Ernest Goes to School", I take the lead role and create SKOLASTIK OSSUMNUSS! Thanks to Boyda for the VHS art.  Your cheque is lost in the mail.

I'M DRUNK AND NOT SURREAL!

I'M DRUNK AND UNSURREAL!
I'M DRUNK AND UNSURREAL!
HIGH HOE THE DAIRY-OH, I'M DRUNK AND UNSURREAL!
this public service un-ounce-ment brought to you by the dairy farmers of Connecticut.  And for the last time, WE'RE NOT GAY!  Okay, that might have been a little surreal.  Ooh, look at me, BAM! I'm Marky Mark.  I'll wrap your fish tacos any day 'cause I'm Marky fuckin' Mark. Okay... new stance:
I'M DRUNK AND CAN'T HELP BUT BE SURREAL!
I'M DRUNK AND CAN'T HELP BUT BE SURREAL!
HIGH HOES AND DAIRY TOES, I'M DRUNK AND oh screw it, noone's reading this anyways... death to jews!!!

Reborn Barbarian

On the other side of the carousel
lives the reborn barbarian.
After the ante up, we talk too fast
leaving the backwards walk in the midnight oil.

Having been scarred (but smarter for it), the menace leaves the big life
for the black cab stuck in the little boots.
"Love is all! Fall out!", reins the light-blue-collar brave,
But we reply, "Let it fall".

Salt and Pepper Johnny

O Superman! Me without You!
Robot lassy dismantled Salt and Pepper Johnny.
With the Asian pride for the trusty chords
Whistle the tune, do husk the mulatu.
Dirty talk from the genes fell from such great heights
I am sore, masked killer.
My plaster casts sought their future
In the left wing.
And we let it all fall
for Salt and Pepper Johnny.

Wacky Milky-Tongue and the Abnormally Straight Pinus (pronounced pye-nuss, youse filthy-dirties!) Thunbergii Bonsai Bushes of Umbriel, the Third Moon of Uranus, MMXXXVVIII AB AB SELECT START part three: Mathaffewilkfordson

Issa homage! Dedicated to dis and dat.

• Mathaffewilkfordson by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

The Stash Joker

Cranes and cranes and cranes,
Good gone Li.
Oh Ana, fall from a height,
Stash Joker- that's life killer!
Lymphomo, test your villian,
it's John Q Public... serial turns out grounded,
but that's life killer!

Wacky Milky-Tongue and the Abnormally Straight Pinus (pronounced pye-nuss, youse filthy-dirties!) Thunbergii Bonsai Bushes of Umbriel, the Third Moon of Uranus, MMXXXVVIII AB AB SELECT START but part TWOO!

I, Wacky Milky-Tongue shmeared grass clippings and cigars on her face.  She thanked me by glueing me down to the sidewalk.  "I love my waist, no?" tickled the booming Henry.  GARBAGE GARBAGE, COPS AND JUDGES! Hooray for Krauts!

Weeds leak from the piercings and they demand to know the mundane.

Henry breathing, potatoland dreaming, left out in the barn.  Pox attacking, nasalating, lustful little yarn.

ART ATTACK! no?

FATALE

...And now what it would look like if Plafter Christmas fell asleep on his keyboard while wishing you a Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

Happy Saint Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


And now what that would sound like:

• Happy Saint Paaa by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

You're welcome.

BLOGAPOEM!

Smarty warts goes through the knights,
Gives the cave ghouls quite the frights.
Makes you think there twernt no rights
For lvin squivin G-Day.

Mark your works, you melon thrusts,
Give the pelican the dust
Make your days go out in gusts
Of mufflin guffs of ebay.

Wrok your tials to the boens
Mkae you till you belnd alnoe
Why for Fluce the demoac gqu
Belibee stibblee moo.

FEEL THEIR PAIN! FEEL IT! RIGHT NOW!

OTHERWISE THE HISTORIES ARE REPEATS!

• Belgian Congo by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

german horse tranquilizerrrrrsssssss

it's...
a new...
song...
enjoy...
it...

• wochvalencrystabeet by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Plafter wants you to experience the musics!

Music is of important! We must let the music grow by allowing the experiments! The experiments allow us to showcase the anti-olds! The anti-olds show us the futures! The futures demonstrate the strengths and weaknesses of the pasts! The pasts redeliver the stones of stepping to what we now experience!  What we now experience is a plagrinath of how little we've learned from the experts! The experts are a bunch of know-too-much glarphindales with too much time who wear sweater vests!  The sweater vests were probably bought on a mall visit where they likely complained about the lack of good music at the local record store! The local record store can't afford to stock good music because the consumers are a bunch of toblerences with no tastes who have been indoctrinated by radios! Radios play horrible music because it is easy to tune out for the normals!  The normals suck and they make music take forever to evolve! Evolution is a tool of the Devil and destroys families! So experience the musics and sympathize and rumble!

PSA: Plafter sells out!

Sorry y'all loyal non-selly-outty peeps.  I was commished (that's what we in tha biz call it) to do a remix of Gentleman GooGoo's hit party anthumb "Smelly Smittins".  But even Plafters half ta pay tha billz.  Wiggity wack?

• oolalaa by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

oadtoodeeohlimpikz

ohlimpa-nimpa-dimpa-zimpa-wimpa-yayayah...
aglimpsa-nymphsa-chimpsa-wimpsa-crimpsa-blablablah...
africkasea-atrick yasee-dasadyasee-agold
yamakinwitdahomeecrowd-yamakinwit-no fold
yagoddagiv-yagoddado-yagoddamake-ashoh
alimpadink-yagoddathink-itwagsabigga-foe

The emergence of Unplafter episoda fivve

So what does it mean to be normal? Does it have normal to do with the normal normals of the normal normal? Normal normal normal NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL FOOD NORMAL MUSIC NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL BABY NORMAL PHOTOS NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL FRIENDS NORMAL RELATIVES NORMAL LIFE NORMAL HOUSE NORMAL TRUCK TRUCK TRUCK NORMAL TRUCK NORMAL TRUCK TRUCK normal jobs normal life normal hobbies normal life normal conversations NORMAL OPINIONS NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL PETS NORMAL PERSPECTIVE NORMAL PETS DOGS CATS SIT STAY HEEL BARK normal ways normal thoughts normal sports normal tastes NORMAL TASTES NORMAL TASTES FINE NORMAL TASTES WHY NOT NORMAL TASTES BUT NORMAL HORIZONS NO NORMAL EXCUSE NORMAL HORIZONS NO NORMAL EXCUSE NORMAL THRESHOLDS NO NORMAL EXCUSE NORMAL LACK OF CURIOSITY NORMAL NO NORMAL NO NO NORMAL NO NO NO normal compromise to abnormal normal normal.

A short poem about punching

Yah,
I Beat him up
FIST TO THA FACE STYLE!
Yah,
It waz a real good fight.

Wingnut Blossoms

wingnut blossoms catch the ever-severed eye
global pragmatics give a variant pry
but the local retort which suffers comply
interwages fear crossed for digital buy

I AM A COMICS!

Click on the first ever comics of important by the Plafter of them all!

Trapped in the cardinal's sense of lore, I with mine own hourly woven darkness did smile decadence on the unforseen encumberances which were only reambled once the frailties sharpened their derivative prudences.

Trapped in the cardinal's sense of lore, I with mine own hourly woven darkness did smile decadence on the unforseen encumberances which were only reambled once the frailties sharpened their derivative prudences.

• completely unrelated mp3 file by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Platitudes

shifting orifice strict of lamb
brings forth the casted violence
triggered darkness faction trance
fore'er legit alliance

grinning meadless peat of joy
a risk to wake fixation
pitch and sway with void array
beneath the swoon elation

dying wordless beaten flight
truth enlist reactor
sprighted phrase was phased to trite
the enervated factor

portion dreg befits the youth
the bells among the mortalled couth
tortured traces creep the truth
euthanized detractor

War Child Reflexive Bloatation

If we all could breathe where the children grieve,
In the orphaned walks of roast.
Where the stifling breeze in the plagrant trees
Bring nether more to toast.
And the wimprose snores doth mend its pores,
'til the timers binge the coral.
Yes, then we'd purse the benevolent curse,
Our blinders all but shoralled.
But still breaks truth too fastly seeded.
Lest the dovers frightly needed.

An old "Exquisite Corpse"

Here is an old exquisite corpse I recently dug out of the Plafter Christmas vaults.  The other two participants shall remain nameless.  That is, until all is revealed during the third coming of the Second Plafter (more on that later).

Religioning Rescans

Much more clear and crisp scans of vague, childlike scribblinss.  Now everyone can be offended instead of confused.  Scroll down, or just check it out at this arrogant underlined thingy not me i'm a shy wittle link

the family christmas tree... er, i mean the christmas crooked tree... that is to say: PLAFTER CHRISTMAS' CROOKED FAMILY TREE PART OOOONE!

One of my most devout followers has decided to share some of her family history on her blog.  So I've decided to dig up some of the darkest, most vile family secrets the Christmases and Plafters have ever had... AND PUBLISH THEM ONLINE FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE! You can find my comment RIGHT FREAKING HERE! WOOHOO! LOOK AT ME! I'M A LINK!!!

The emergence of Unplafter episoda fourr

I'm beginning to get a little worried about Unplafter.  Seems he recently published a very out-of-lack-of-character poem on his blog: HERE! CLICK HERE! PICK ME ME ME!

Plafter analyzes humor: Expreriment 1 & 2

Experiment #1:  Adding an unnecessary 'r' to words...
Examples: blorg, bloarted, startic, pencril, pencril sharpener, pencril case, telrephrone
Test Subject: A roasted ham
Result:  Ham tastes goord!

Experiment #2: Replacins the 'g' in 'ing' words with an 's'...
Examples: stomach linins, vacationins, INS Direct
Test Subject: A 6 pack of AA batteries
Result: An alternate cure for polio!

All in all, a productive day in the lab.  Scuba.

SUPER DOOPER SPECIAL POST #50: Presenting... Wacky Milky-Tongue and the Abnormally Straight Pinus Thunbergii Bonsai Bushes of Umbriel, the Third Moon of Uranus, MMXXXVVIII AB AB SELECT START

I, Wacky Milky-Tongue, belungered over to the abnormal bushes one day and ate of its dismembering berries. By meself. A couple blobs and a blob of blob.  Hooray for Krauts!

I, Wacky Milky-Tongue, was carried by Captain Puddin' Wath to hear the latest Gnarls Barkley single.

By the time the song ended, it was 8 hours later and the Uranians were picking Uranian craps off of me.  Being in a completely oxymoronic state, I, Wacky Milky-Tongue hung my jacket on a bush only to be attacked by the latest scurvy man.  We were destined to be friends in foreshadowland.

"Are ya mushin' wit dah bushin'?" quervied the loven Scurvy.  He knew the business was not of his when I, Wacky Milky-Tongue blorshed my heart bones with the chortlins.  "Youse and dah berries"  fractured the Scurvy man, "It wears me out, ya know.  Livin' wit dah broken polystyrene man.  It wears me out."

And then Captain Puddin' Wath said "Time for the cliff-hangins! I have a sister!"

14 things that are nice about the years

#4- Things are pretty in the dark
AEIOU= Wat did you do with my ligter?
sometimes Y>> Horray for fingers!!!!
#14: Bananas for pioneers!!

Merry Bunny won an dall!

PS: unsimultaneously

Oa Wholly Knight!

Oah Wholly Knight, the stars the clearly melting
it is the beer and the birth of some thing
Oah Wholly knight the beers are less entertaining
and are not what they should have
been
 Fall on your needs
fullfill the unfullfillzing
oh knight
that is black
stop losing limbs
that christ was born
oh knight
de vine
oh night
i love to sing
baah bahh black sheep
have you a black night
that christ was born
i'm derink

Merdy Plavder Dae ebrywon!

It's good to the tirky! Tirky tirky presents too! Yay for the

Just when you thought "La La La La La" was bad...

It's Lantern Step! The nation's newest dance craze!

• Lantern Step by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

IT'S THE CRIME-FIGHTING TRIFECTA! episode 2: Revenge of the Stick

Look out, Crime-Fighting Trifecta! It's... (bah bah bah) THE STICK!

Oh! And speaking of Charlie, part two

A Poem for the Two Christmases (Plafter and that other one)

lima bean cereal!
yum, yum hip-
popotamus (of evil),
Why... do they walk
with the
spoon? Shivers
quick on sunlight:
boomtown gravel.
Why does it box?
Why doesn't it box?
Give it the time for grease,
Romantically receipt.
Amen.

Dlacks? VOIJ TOOCH!!

Dar glabbenzy dollen cozmalch... voij tooch fej moyken 'dlacks'.

-Armenqoid.

Glipsojigus! (coy muhfelch mub vevreevovvenzo)

Parno Glip, "Glipsojigus glap, "Morchider glap, "Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew". Broggapoldychy mragospylt vevreevovvenzo parpar"".

Pagoltze coy glip markjee.  Coy?! Brogatunk coy?!! Parnakzo glip coy donkzee wolturk flich 'parpar' seentpa!
Mub delz bonnaggin: Coy frakligge dinelitij moyk moyk sholle! Mub 'vevreevovvenzo' parto yooch gluck? VOIJ!

COY Muhfelch!  Eegajype coy muhfelch doyzuhgash!

(doyzen gloggly pinqoid flomnogozz mar... mar mar zanigas.)

Coy muhfelch DLACKS!!

Mazzarch!

Glipsojigus glap, "Morchider glap, "Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew". Broggapoldychy mragospylt vevreevovvenzo parpar".

Glipsojigus glapjub par glubatorijuzz coraneeb soinoplazzej gip.  Soinoplazzej gip Morchider boto donep glapejoz coi; Coi nop loggadozz zarraqoip 'leezadeez' flakneird plabinstokwaj.  Mub delshee vanignuss pagoltze fug, flug, fronnogere, mub fiche.  Glipsojigus, Glipsojigus! Poyzo bal Glipsojigus! PAGOLTZE MONNAJ DEENU! Soy, soy, marnalinj adook mar tinj... coy marnalinj... coy mar tinj... mub plog... coy...

The emergence of Unplafter episoda threee

On behalf of the WCOPC, I have issued Unplafter an ultimatum.  It can be viewed here: http://plafterchristmas.blogspot.com/2009/12/someone-stole-my-name.html

I do not take this lightly as accusations of being Unplafter are serious breaches of seriousness.  I only hope for their sake they realize what has and hasn't been done to keep from harm the seriousnesses of the breaches of their accusations.  Plafter be praised!

Oh! And speaking of Charlie...

Mallissnaphew!

Morchider glap, "Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew".  Broggapoldychy mragospylt vevreevovvenzo parpar.  Morchider boto glap, "Poyzo gallinotchy bal dinponuss buzzon".  Klaboot! MOYZEE KLABOOT! Molni, cloviduss, maksidype, mub poltra flakneird PLABINSTOKWAJ!! Delshee vanignuss pagoltze!!! Mazzarch!

Foginabunjah!

Delz bonnaggin wols lifeelo, monna barrijigoo qall ma felta: Mallissnaphew.  Poyzo gallinotchy bal dinponuss buzzon.  Delshee, malti vovulen coi mazzarch ith yarp molni, cloviduss, maksidype, mub poltra.  Plort dob flakny? Foginabunjah!

I'm feeling the asian olympics today.

I hope it's not contagious but I'm seeing asian olympics today.  With the games on their ways it's good to be in the brains of the enemy.  We must think asian to get ahead.  I recommend a daily dose of Charlie and Jackie Chan but first SOBA!  SOBAAA!!!

IT'S A COMMONLY KNOWN FACT...

It's a commonly known fact that 9 out of 10 dentists bark from their arses.

Introducing LiPi!

Be ahead of your yuppy neighbours with LiPi! You'll be the talk of the town with the next step in stain remover! LiPi! It's like WiFi, except the internet surfs you! LiPi! A new reason to keep living for the criminally insane! LiPi! Because it's not just another gigantic musical chinese circle! PiLi! Because it's not LiPi!  Sign up today! LiPi!

The emergence of Unplafter episoda too

Sumbuddy's linkin' to muh payjizz!!! I've been notified and confusinated! He gots the name but not the brain.  See for yourself:
The dwelling of Sir Unplafter

Elvis Lives! He phoned me last night!

Luckily I had the foresight to record the conversation...

• Elvis Lives! by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

The emergence of Unplafter episoda won

Impersonating Plafter is an act of treason
AAAAAGHHHH!!!!!
In the event that a Plafter impersonator arises you must seek him out and apprehend him
GGGWWWAAAAAA!!!!
This man will look like Plafter but you will know that it is not Plafter because he IS not Plafter
FLAMAGOTCHYDOODAADAY!!!
He may appear to be in a disheveled state, which has elements of resemblance to Plafter
IMAGOMADOOGEEWOOGEE!!!
He may claim to be Plafter but he is not and he must be treated as he is
MMAAAAAKKKEEEEIIIITTTTSTOP!!!!
Which is someone who is not Plafter
BLAH!
He is a danger to the blog
IAMAREALBOY!!!!
That is all.  More on this later...

Make no mistake about it. "La La La La La" is a very bad song...

But the world needs the bad songs to tell the good songs how to not suck.  So here I go again doing the world another thankless favour... enjoy!

• La La La La La by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

ACCEPTED!

funny is just a click away!

OnOmAtOpOeiA port trays!

SOCK!!!

TWANG!!!

PEEP!!!

GROAN!!!

now you knows!

Buddy Chiklits in the Land of Sunshine Drainage

I don't think I'm alone in saying the picture and title speak for themselves.  But if you need a story, let's hear your best progressive tale of Buddy Chiklits in the Land of Sunshine Drainage... oh yeah, and his friend/enemy with the gay hat needs a name too.

people that keep it real die young

Balancing two worlds is hard work.  Everything is relative to where Plafter stands though.  The farther to either side of Plafter you are, the more retarded you become.  It's unfortunate but a known truth.  That's why Plafter has made this drawing.  You see, whenever you have an opinion that is not of Plafter, you need only look at this drawing.  You will see that you have made Plafter, who has ultra sexy eyebrows, very mad and that either you are stuck in a swirl of blood with exey eyes or you are forever lodged in a world of blue crayola which forever shall scan like shit.  That is your destiny if you are not of Plafter... shitty crayola scanning.  Is that the future you want for your offspring?

The consumer whore as an unsung hero to humanity!

I've tasted of the royal fast food burger.  These people are just trying to help us through our bland lives! If astronauts knew what they were missing, there'd be no mission to Mars! Let the faceless rule the faceful and may all your days start and end with dark death liquid!

Today I went religioning with Ron Handigan...

We needed to quickly tell the folks the good news. We went to their doors and conversioned...

After drawing my beautiful landscape, we continued with the truth speakins.  Some rabbits take a bit more convincing than others.

This city is dying without the truths! They need to know before the snow!

Religion save us all!!!

Conversioning is hard work, but someone's gotta do it.  My religion-thumping arm is sore, time to call it a day.  But just think of all the religioning the conversioning will get me.  Oh sweet merciful Religion Man!

Ode to a sparrow (an orgy of haiku)

Sparrow way up high
Why do you fly so graceful,
So passionately?

How I love your song
Making all the people smile
And to start their day

Will you answer me?
Will you tell of your secrets?
Share them with the world?

Please answer sparrow
I am a soul you can trust
Your secrets are safe

Okay then sparrow
Be that way.  Keep your secrets
And see if I care

It's not fair to have
Such incredible secrets
Kept from those in need

I would show you mine
My secrets of firearm use
All up in your ass

So I have no gun
And that was an empty threat
But I'm desperate

Please don't be upset
I've always wanted to fly
Please show me how

Fuck you sparrow! You
think you're better than me with
your stupid wings and

stupid ugly beak!
I hate you! Eat shit and die!
Go fuck yourself, bird!...

I'm sorry sparrow
I'm just not myself today
Won't you forgive me?

Oh, so it's the old
Silent treatment now, is it?
Well that's so mature!

You think I care a
bout your stupid avia
ry secrets? I don't

give a "flying" fuck
what you do with your time just
don't come around here

anymore you're not
welcome.  Can't you take a fuck
ing hint!? I HATE YOU!

Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Die die die die die die die!
DIE DIE DIE! DIE DIE!

(and that's the last time
I talked to my winged friend
he was delicious)

A proper powm

Innocuous broccoli, Swahili toboggan
charlie, Charlie, CHARLIE!!
Innocuous broccoli, Swahili toboggan
charlie, Charlie, CHARLIE!!
smell a fist and drink a glove
fist a smell and wink a dove
drink a well and eat a sandwich
charlie, Charlie, CHARLIE!!

I'M A MYOOZIK MUHSHEEN! again!

It's the Nectarine Song! A new song from the critically acclaimed ME! With 100% original content no matter what those douchbags in Britian say!

• The Nectarine Song by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

Memories of the first trip to Upstairsopolis parte sank: 5am

After entering Upstairsistan, I was very hungry.  Luckily, Upstairsoria has the world's leading supply of culinary foodstuffs (that's a real word!).  After browsing their endless supply of recipes books, I settled on inventing my own fine dining dish.

After accepting my Michelin gold star of participation, I went back through the closet, leaving Nornio forever.

Memories of the first trip to The Breathing Trees parte catraw: 3am

It is a commonly known fact that The Breathing Trees were the inspiration for a thief-hailing music video by The Radio Heads.  When walking through them, it is obvious why.  After making it through The Smelling Trees, I stumbled onto The Building of Dying People where they insist on telepathically attacking your brainage with the last part of Novocaine by Beckham.  To be perfectly lying, I was quite lost when I came to the Mansion of Frightening Judges.  It's all depicted here "In Glorious Black and White"

Alone and scared, I came across Weston, the Grain Creature of the Night.  Attempting to forever blind me from the Art of Eyesight, he did nothing but light the way back to Upstairsland... and he blinded me in my left eye.

When I arrived at the entrance to the front gate of the front door of the walkway to the foyer of Upstairsworld, Sir Ron Handigan and LABIGAMPTSER SODIFIG LOMSTERGINMPO (HII!) were awaiting my arrival.  Upstairsville is smarmy solace but there's a legend about that land... Legend has it that the cat goes nuts.

Memories of the first trip to The Kingdom of Joyful Sorrow parte tlwah: 1am

I knew right away that we had pickled the write person as our biographer.  Labigamptser had the uncanny ability to construct air tight narratives based on our experiences as we walked.  Here are a few tasty examples:

We walked on the world's continents and so forth for a while, spent some time at the only wall in the world, and then moved on to the too-close-to-home street of yelling.  This was too scary for me, so I ran away from Labigamptser and Dr. Handigan and got lost in the Breathing Trees.

OnOmAtOpOeiA port doo!

SMACK!!!

KABOOM!!!

CLANG!!!

CRUNCH!!!

you're welcome.

Memories of the first trip to Mushroomland parte duh: 11pm

We entered the train and sat across from a scary man.  He greeted us, so I drew him with my left hand.

I had to remind Mr. Handigan that my notepad was only to be used for writing...

PLEASE STAY CALM FOLKS, CAPTAIN RANDOM-PEN-SCRATCHINGS AND LEGGY FIREBREATHER MCGEE HAVE TAKEN OVER THE PLANE! announced the subtle conductor.  I wasn't too concerned.  From what I hear, Leggy Firebreather McGee can't SAY fire let alone breathe it.

Sir Ron was so anxious for lung cancer, he couldn't handle life on the bus for another second.

ALL IS SAFE NOW, FRIENDS.  THE BAD PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SACKED whispered the suicidal conductor.  And then the unthinkable happened.  Something so obsene it can only be summed up in the following picture...

So we did the only natural thing.  We jumped off the boat after asking Labigamptser to join us as our biographer on our journey to the kingdom of joyful sorrow.

I'M A MYOOZIK MUHSHEEN!

Have you heard? I'm an international recording sensation! this song likes head phones.

• Puss Erdmr by Plafter Christmas

More Plafter Christmas music on iLike

OnOmAtOpOeiA

BANG!!!

WAMMO!!!

THWOCK!!!

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!!

ACHOO!!!

thank-you

it's probably a country, volyoom oon

Name this country and win your weight in fleas!!!

Memories of the first trip to Mushroomland parte oon: 10pm

Boredom sets in on the tarmac whilst awaiting my ride.  It doesn't help matters when the Air Traffic Controller shoots you full of hallucinogenic blow gun darts and stuffs you in the corner of the station.  In all fairness, it was his last day.
Finally, after waiting for two hours I feel something.  Hmm, it's a little strange but it's not that intens- WHERE AM I?! ARE WE ON A SAIL BOAT?! WAHAHAHA!!! I HAVE TO DRAW SOMETHING! SOMEONE GIVE ME PAPERS! AND STOP ROCKING THE BOAT! Heehee, I'm the crazy guy in the corner giggling and noone can know what I'm drawin- HEY EVERYONE, LOOK WHAT I DREW!

IT'S PROFESSOR FOOTWITHTONGUE! ISN'T HE GREAT!? I knew they wouldn't care.  Your brilliance is going unappreciated.  We must keep these drawings to ourself from now on so we don't- AND NOW I'VE DRAWN PAC-MAN ON HEROIN! IT'S SMAC MAN!!!

ISN'T HE GREAT?! No, to them he's not great.  Soon they'll see.  Our toiling for greatness won't go unrewarded... FOR SMACK MAN AND PROFESSOR WHATEVERTHEFUCKISAID COMBINE TO BECOME... RON HANDIGAN!!!! WAHAHA!!

And several hours later it turns into that.  Then Ron Handigan announced ALL ABOARD FOR MUSHROOMLAND...

Is He Candy?

hmmm... part 2

You're the Man Now Dog does Batman.

hmmm...

TURN DOWN THE VOLUME, I'M LOUD

IT'S THE CRIME-FIGHTING TRIFECTA!

Look out criminal master minds! It's the crime-fighting trifecta! It's Tapeworm Man! It's Tapeworm Woman! It's Ooyeevuhlytub! The world will never be the same again!

Plafter does the classics volume one

Name this famous art thingy for a chance to win nothing!

metal me.

metal goes in.
pump is charged.
metal is fixed.
paper is penned.
metal is drowned.
water comes out.
sand comes out.
metal is cut.
pump turns off.
metal comes out.
paper is penned.
metal is dried.
metal is sold.
scrap is melted.
scrap becomes metal.
metal goes in.
metal comes out.
metal goes in.
metal comes out.
metal.
metal.
metal.
metal and me.

Plafter Christmas: A Self Portrait